I’ll go first. My ex cheated on me with a dude, (I’m les, she’s bi,) brought home chlamydia and bed bugs, then after 13 years of no contact, texts me randomly to try and pull me into an MLM pyramid scheme.
Hmm, well, my ex is the kinda person to get pregnant just so she wouldn’t have to work for a roof over her head and food in her mouth. So, combine that with her “I need to have at least 5 sexual partners in my life at any time” habit and her “I need to spend more money on useless shit than the entire budget for a family of 6” habit, the whole thing didn’t last too long, shortly after the kid’s 1st birthday, I kicked her to the curb (kid stayed with me of course).
First attempt to get back together: The “oh we can continue to have sex without being in a relationship” thing. Mistake on my part to even agree, she quickly moved back in with me without my consent. One day when she was out, after promising for about 2 weeks straight that she’d move out the next day, I just told her she’s not welcome back. She then had to sell her car because her new boyfriend lied about being able to finance the down payment for her rental apartment. This got her into an abusive relationship with a person who is, quite literally, a carbon copy of her, personality wise. Holding money and his car over her so she can’t leave him. Just like she held our child over me so I couldn’t leave her (already during pregnancy she said, if I did something she didn’t like, that she’ll just dump my ass and make sure I’ll never get to see the child). This sorta felt like karma honestly.
She’s admitted this to me several times, so attempt #2 to get back together was when she had a mini-breakup with the new guy. She asked if I’d help her get a car of her own so she can at least go to work without depending on the guy. I said I’d consider it. Then a while later said nah, sorry, can’t help. Still helped her financially because there was an implication on her part that if I wouldn’t, she’d immediately sue me for custody.
End of September rolls around, and I say to her, hey, you have a boyfriend, why do I still have to help you out… After that, she kidnaps our child, makes a million excuses for it, but I can’t REALLY prove it’s because I refused to buy her a car. Oh well. I don’t see my child for about a month after that, which is technically illegal, but it doesn’t matter, because laws don’t apply to her.
End of October rolls around, she calls me, says her boyfriend hit her, could I please come pick up the kid and bring 'em back tomorrow. I say sure. I drive over, record the entire in-person exchange. She says her boyfriend has been yelling at the child quite often, and she’s powerless to stop him, he apparently just said “well you just aren’t cut out to be a mother then” when she said yelling at a 1.5 year old isn’t the way to discipline them, especially from someone who isn’t even a parent of said child. She also says that her boyfriend had hit her while she was holding the child. And that HE said she couldn’t allow ME to see my child. She asks if she can come with me, I say no, at best I can drop her off at some friend’s house, but I don’t want her at my home. I leave.
Next day, I tell her she’s not getting the kid back. She emails me saying I have no right to do this, and that “just because there was a police car in front of the apartment building, you can’t immediately assume there’s anything going on at our home”, etc. CPS has already been informed of everything she’d said the previous day and I consulted my lawyer as well. They said it was absolutely fine for me to not allow the child back into such circumstances. There are about 4 or 5 email exchanges between us where she just ignores it when I repeat to her what she’d said that day, and focuses on the police car and “my assumptions”, when I explain to her why she can’t have the kid back.
For the next month, I keep telling her she can’t take the child to her place. I’m willing to meet up with her, and go to a park or someplace where she can play with the child. I offer two dates, and when she says “Oh I offered you 3 days per week, all you offer me is two days, not recurring” and I told her “I’m not the one trying to limit you to any specific days or dates, those are just the days I have available THIS week, but if you find a time slot that works for you some other day, just tell me ahead of time and we’ll make it work”. She ignores this. We have this exact email exchange 2 or 3 times. She still claims to this day that I only offered her one date, ever, and then proceeded to deny her any opportunity of seeing the child - despite the fact that I clearly outlined why I can’t trust her to take the child to her place, and that she’d be welcome to see them any time, just gotta let me know in advance.
At the recommendation of the CPS employee, I still caved in and let her take the child after about a month. First time she brings the kid back, but keeps the car seat, saying she bought it so it’s hers to keep, and that I should buy a new one. Of course what she ignores is that I sent her the money to buy it that time, and that we were married so anything we bought together is shared property anyway.
Second time, I tell her that I’m just giving her the child, nothing else. I don’t want to see any more of the kid’s things on sale, because I’ve already lost a LOT of clothes and stuff I’ve bought for them. She just kept looting them. She says “well if you’re going to be like that then I’m telling CPS I can’t trust the child back with you” and that’s exactly what she does. Again, a million excuses in an email she sent to me the next morning, but I again recorded the entire exchange.
We’re in family mediation now. Have to go through it before I can sue her. She just keeps lying, including about things I have proof of. I don’t tell her I have proof. We agreed on some times where I can meet the child, including today for a few hours. We meet up, go to a playground, she’s oddly friendly. As she puts the kid back in her car, she tells me that actually as soon as she can get back on her feet financially, she’s leaving her boyfriend because he keeps lying to her about debts, other girlfriends and employment. Everything, really. She’s been collecting proof. She asks if I she can give me a hug, I say no, it’d be weird. A bit later in the conversation she asks yet again if I see any future where we’re together again. I have a recording of this entire exchange too. I actually have more shit, but these are some of the conversations she’d be most devastated to find out that I can prove.
My proposal at the family mediation is going to be that until she can get back on her feet, the kid lives with me, but visits her of course, and after that we can have the mediation again, maybe in like a year and a half. Maybe the kid can live with her then, if she’s improved a few key aspects of her life and personality. Because never in this entire thing have I wanted to take the kid away from her, but I need to protect my offspring.
Ah btw, this entire time she’s been on sick leave from work. Literally since september, and she also took out sick leave in august, for a job she started in august, after she quit (or got fired from) the job she had for almost the whole month of july.
Well I won’t even bother writing an answer because that wins by default. Holy shit.
The attempted return wasn’t fucked up, but the break-up was. I’ve alluded to this event in past posts, but haven’t told the context of the story. So I guess I’ll share. Buckle in, this is going to be a ride.
Once upon a time, I had a terrible boyfriend. I was around 19 or 20 when we got together, and he’d pretty much seduced me from afar - around 1000 miles (1600 km) in fact. He was a musician and came from another country, complete with an accent that I melted for. I hadn’t yet known about psychopaths and manipulative behavior from partners, but in retrospect, a lot of things became obvious.
I’d had big plans to vandwell, had already purchased a high-top van older than myself, and was renovating the back to make it more of a living space. I still had a lot of work to do, but not enough money to complete it. Nonetheless, the boyfriend convinced me to move to his city and stay with him while I worked on it. This meant leaving almost all of my family behind. I did have a relative in the state I was going to - but she lived hours away. Nonetheless, I looked forward to visiting her sometime.
After the move, I quickly realized that something was off with this guy. He couldn’t follow my thought process at all, nor could I follow his. I distinctly felt as if our brains were wired backwards from each other. We had spent time together before - our big bond was road trips. We’d spent weeks together traveling around the east coast states, as well as a few parts of Canada. But as is common for abusers, moving in with them signals a change. The mask comes off, and boundaries begin to get pushed.
He was a thief. Although I liked how he’d steal cable and make it freely accessible to everyone in his apartment building (because fuck cable companies, and it’s cool to help neighbors), I gave pause when he stole milk crates to use in my van. Okay, I figured, a big supermarket can handle a couple missing crates. But then he started offering other stolen things. One thing I needed was somewhere to put a spare tire. One day he told me there’s a van in the nearby neighborhood with a spare tire holder on the back. “It’d be really easy for me to remove it and put it on your van,” he told me.
But I told him, to paraphrase, “Absolutely not!” He was shocked. Apparently he thought it would be a romantic gesture. Yeah, no, something was definitely wrong here.
The man started getting upset over the stupidest shit. He didn’t like that I was vegan. One time he tried to riddle me with, “If you could save a million animals, or save me, which would you choose?” When I refused to answer such a clearly-baited question, he broke down crying and screaming that the answer was obvious. He also developed a strong opinion on how I handle my periods, of all things. I was using a diva cup at the time (for those that don’t know, it’s a little, reusable silicone cup, inserted like a tampon and washed between uses.) Apparently he didn’t like that and tried to insist I use normal pads and tampons. I told him that the moment he starts bleeding out of his genitals, he can decide how to handle it.
Anyway, everything came to a head one night in June. His band was having a huge celebration. It was his birthday weekend, one member of the band got engaged, and two (married) members were celebrating an anniversary.
Unfortunately, I was not in the celebratory spirit. I had been unsuccessful in getting a job since arriving, my money was almost all gone, and to top it all off, my aunt had just died. Remember that family member I said I looked forward to visiting? I was never going to get to see her.
He was well aware of all of this. Still, he begged me to join him. He bragged about all the free drinks he’d be getting, so I figured at leas I’d get some drinks out of it.
Lol, no. Of course not.
The selfish prick didn’t offer me a drop. In fact, he straight-up ignored me. He and his friends had said to me to just “forget the bad stuff and have fun,” but I can’t do that? I ended up in the women’s bathroom for a while, trying to regulate myself. When I came back out, I found that fucker in the middle of the crowd, getting a lap dance from the woman who was celebrating her wedding anniversary.
I snapped. I shoved him and yelled at him, because what the ever-loving fuck. Naturally, he and all his friends took issue, so I was all alone. I went over to a quiet spot to cry, where a tone-deaf random girl asked if she could take my picture. Yeah, no, what a ridiculous question.
But the night got worse. See, that guy was my ride to the venue. When the night was winding down, I went to the guy and told him as such. He gave me $4 and said, “Take a bus.” I was new to the area, didn’t yet have a smart phone (they were still new at the time), and penniless aside from those $4 in my pocket. I didn’t know where I was nor how to get back to my van.
I ended up wandering the streets from 2am-5am, waiting at random bus stops so I could ask the bus drivers questions. I eventually figured out that I needed a particular bus, then a transfer to a second bus. By the time the bus I needed arrived, the sky was a vivid magenta, and ladies in scrubs filled the bus stop, ready to commute to the hospital on the mainland for their morning shifts. I joined the throng, kept awake solely by my panic, paying attention to every single stop lest I miss the one I need and end up without enough money for both another bus and a transfer.
Around 6am, I was at the bus terminal, sitting on the curb as homeless people slept on all the benches. At this point I was so tired, I was starting to go numb. Eventually I did make the second bus, got to my van, pulled into a farther parking lot (so as not to be near that guy’s apartment) and slept for what felt like forever.
And that, my friends, is the story of the worst night of my life.
The reconnect is much more brief.
Years later, after many more ups and downs (which perhaps I’ll write about sometime), I was beginning my foray into polyamory. I made an account on a dating website. Lo and behold, who reached out to me? That same guy. He asked to meet. I said something along the lines of “Lmao not a chance in hell” and blocked his ass.
Since then, I haven’t seen nor heard from him. Sadly, he still haunts occasional nightmares.
She was batshit and had crazy borderline energy. We’d split up because of very simple rules I have about behaving like adults in a relationship which was pretty much fucking impossible for her.
She kept having to come over to pick up things from my place she forgot here. She came over to get a shirt or some shit and her ass was just… fuck. She was wearing these little booty shorts and like. I’m a weak man. I couldn’t not do it. Plus she said she’d had all this growth and stuff (all lies) so fuck it. I knew what a terrible idea it was an how lucky I was to have made it out clean the first time but those who know know.
Anyway. We get back together. She has an std. claims she had no idea how she got it. I didn’t get it but. Add not fucking anyone without a condom while we’re broken up to the list of lies.
We’re together for like a month and I break up with her again because she’s incapable of discussing things in good faith without yelling or losing her temper. She calls me the day after I dump her and tells me she’s pregnant, which I didn’t believe but fuck it. I’ll deal with the consequences of my action and be a good father. Cue like 2 months of her calling me and texting me to discuss our relationship, screaming yelling into the phone while I repeatedly reiterate that I’m only willing to talk about the child she’s supposedly carrying.
Anyway the calls eventually stop. I hear through the grapevine her new boyfriend is freaking out because he’s knocked her up 2 months later. Which is… uh.
AFAIK she never did have a baby, and was probably never even pregnant.
There’s so much more but.
Why did I get back with her?
Those who know know.
I had one like that, withe the “pregnancies” lol. Was her name Stephanie?
Nope.
There’s a type though. It’s a tale as old as time.
Iykyk
Long ago now - ex but in the same friend group so we ended up going back to her place one night. It was all nice until we had an argument, she kicked me out but KEPT MY CAR KEYS.
I ended up walking many Kms (this was before everyone owned a cell phone) to a mutual friends house, eventually they managed to convince her to give the keys back. Apparently it was all my fault.
Lazy ass hobosexeual played the part of a caring partner for 2 years. He was in someone else’s bed whenever I wasn’t home at night, I worked the night shift so that was pretty much every night. I was constantly exhausted after working 12-14 hour shifts all the time, so I asked him to get a job or do anything to bring money in. He didn’t want to so he found some lady who made more than me to take his lazy ass in. I (sadly) begged him to stay and kept in touch.
One day, he came over to help me fix my brakes and tried to kiss me. I turned my check because fuck that noise. He had the BIGGEST crocodile tears I’ve ever seen in someone over the age of 5. Told me that he still loved me, just wanted to feel like I wanted him there (me begging wasn’t enough I guess), said he didn’t love her, she had “gross fake tits”, said he only cared about her money and her boat he was living on, said he had to sleep in his car when HE left because he had nowhere to go, blah blah blah. I told him to leave and then I found her on Facebook. I told her everything he had just told me. That dumbass still went on to marry his lazy ass and he still doesn’t work.
That’s ok though, my current partner of 10+ years is a massive improvement. He’s not an alcoholic and he has a job, so I won that one 😁
Also. Fuck you Levi.
Hobosexual?! Sounds classist if you ask me.
I thought this was funny.
You don’t deserve the downvotes.
Also I’m REALLY failing to understand how someone could not understand that this was a joke. For the love of god.
I didn’t catch that it was a joke, I thought it was a misunderstanding or person legit thought it was a typo, but I also don’t think it deserved downvotes.
Sorry, no, that’s not what it means. It’s a word that refers to someone who mooches off of their partner because they don’t want to work. That guy was just an ass.
Never heard the term before. I assumed it was a typo
That makes sense, I could totally see that as a typo
Yeah but I always thought the hobosexual was the sucker. Like I’m a hobosexual because I prefer a domestic house husband but it’s difficult to find a man who isn’t just saying he’s one as a ruse for wanting to do 0 work, domestic or otherwise.
I’ve always heard it used to describe the lazy person, but I guess there are multiple definitions. I used it referring to this definition: A hobosexual is someone who dates for housing, not love
I think people having a discussion and agreeing that one person stays home while the other works is completely fine. That’s not what my situation was, he worked, then he didn’t, then he refused to.
that’s been my position several times as well unfortunately. like I said, lots of men say that’s what they’re gonna do, then they actually get there and realize domesticity is actually a legit job and they don’t really wanna do that either.
Is this a joke, or are you just insufferable?
It was a joke, calm down
Insufferable on Lemmy?
I’m shocked. Shocked!
Your updoots, Sir
A woman I lived with for nearly 10 years fell under her fundamentalist family’s influence, and went off the deep end. We split up, and a few months later I get a call.
Now, first I have to tell you, the closest thing to a swear word they allowed themselves was “man.” So she calls me (she and her pre-existing kids were living there by now) and tells me that she and I were “married in gawd’s sight” which meant I needed to start sending her money. Well, you can imagine my response. And when she shouted behind her “he ain’t going to do it,” I heard her father scream “MAN!” Made my day, it did.
“I’ll pray you all the money you want”?
I mean, if we’re just going by god’s sight…
Amen
A-MAN!
A-MAN-LY-MAN-LY-MAAAAN
My wife’s ex… She wanted a dog, he didn’t. They compromised and got a dog. She broke it off shortly afterwards, because she realized he was a full blown mask-off white supremacist. She got the dog in the split, because she was the one who wanted him in the first place.
We got married like a decade later, and the dog died shortly afterwards. She had him blocked on everything, but sent a “hey just wanted to let you know the dog died” message through a mutual friend who still talked to him. He tried to use “grief processing” as an excuse to meet up for lunch. He was still a blatant white supremacist, but hadn’t seen any of our wedding photos because she had him blocked on everything. I’m not white. I offered to tag along to their meeting, just to see his the look on his face when I walked through the door and introduced myself as her husband.
Why even send the text at that point though?
Yeah that dog you didn’t want, and hadn’t seen in 10 years. It’s dead. Want to get coffee?
The only assumption is you wanna reconnect.
I offered to tag along to their meeting, just to see his the look on his face when I walked through the door and introduced myself as her husband.
Oh man, that would have been priceless. The one-liners you could have used are endless:
- “Wait, this is the guy who thinks he’s the ‘master race’? Seriously?!”
- “Did you find out if he has to shop for his white robes in the children’s section?”
Divorced over a decade, no contact since. My ex and I were in a stupid cult when we married, and apparently he still is. They don’t allow remarriage unless one partner has “committed adultery.” He wrote saying he sees online that I’m living with another dude, but can I confirm whether or not I’ve had sex?
I ignored it.
You should write him back and say you’ve been fucking the cult leaders for years just to see what happens.
“No I haven’t had sex yet but I’ll let you know the moment that I do” followed by blocking them
I don’t blame you for ignoring it, but I read that as a request for confirmation whether they could remarry or not. I think I may have replied with the briefest confirmation possible and then refused any other contact.
He can remarry. We’re divorced. Its between him and the cult of they want to punish him for it. I refuse to give them any power.
“Sorry, but after our relationship I became celibate and it’s been great. Good luck! Please don’t contact me again.”
This is funnier and takes even less effort though.
Not sure how awful you would want to be in that situation, but with a lot more effort it could be even funnier without any words but a lewd picture instead, if your partner is up for it.
I actually feel bad for the dude, though.
I mean I don’t know specifics obviously but cults aren’t exactly women-forward tmk so I don’t tend to have much sympathy for the men in one.
Everyone regardless of gender typucally get abused in cults except for the leader.
You are correct, but so is the above commentor. Women were considered subservient to the men.
My mentally ill ex husband, who kept a heroin and serial cheating habit quiet for over a year before I put the pieces together and kicked him out, created a website to make it look like he’d started a successful company and sent it to my friends and family members asking them to forward it to me since I had successfully blocked any form of direct contact with me.
It was pretty sad. You could tell that it was hastily thrown together, probably while he was high/manic. It also resulted in a large chunk of the people he initially sent it to blocking him as well, which likely increased his isolation etc.
Word to the wise, friends, you cannot save people from themselves, no matter how much you want to or how hard you try. Not everyone with mental illness and/or addiction issues will treat you badly, but, if they are not actively pursuing help on their own, there’s not much to be done. Life is short, don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Caught her cheating, and when I broke up with her she refused and stabbed me with a fork. I have 4 little scars but one of the fork tines was slightly bent so they don’t line up perfectly
“I’m done! Stick a fork in me!”
So your skin is perpetually mildlyinfuriating? What a terrible place for a curse.
one of the fork tines was slightly bent so they don’t line up perfectly
That would irritate me more than getting forked in the first place.
Guy I met had a scar like that on the back of his hand. Story was he had four brothers, all big guys. Mom would put the food on the table, but no one was allowed to take anything until they said grace. One night it was steaks, and they weren’t all the same size. When grace was done, they all went for a big steak with their forks. He was in first, but his brother ended up stabbing the back of his hand with his.
The fucked up and kind of funny part was that his brother’s reaction was to bring the guy’s hand over to his own plate by pulling it with his fork, and wiggling it until the steak fell off the fork onto the plate.
Yup, that’s the basic feral energy I picture for a family with 5 boys.
I’m dad enough to suspect that my reaction to the stabbing would be “what the fork??”
And I’m 'tismo enough to seek corrective surgery to make sure the marks from the fork tines were in line.
If 'tismo is to mean autistic, that’s fucking beautiful and I’m stealing it.
The idea had crossed my mind once or twice, or extending the other three scars to match at the very least. But thankfully time has passed and they have faded now and it’s hard to notice
Maybe she was also finalizing the relationship by sticking a fork in you because y’all were done.
Please tell me she yelled “fork you”
I hope you filed a police report for assault and pressed charges. Looks like you dodged a bullet.
but not the fork…
Ha! Beat you by a minute!
He never had his car
Dodged the bullet, didn’t see the fork hah. I was young so I just ignored it, although looking back maybe it would have been for the best to report it. Maybe she would have gotten the help she needed.
But they should have dodged the fork…
The scarring sounds funny, are you willing to share a pic of it?
Well, if I’m being completely honest here, I’m the fucked up ex.
My dude, saying that alone is a big step. Keep it up.
Right, but what did you do?
Joined lemmy. The sad bastard.
Just imagine doing that to another person, a person you care about. There are some true monsters in this world.
We’ll be the judge of that. What did you do?
Well hey, on the bright side, admitting it is the first step!
My ex wife contacted me last year claiming she found out she had syphillis and had it the whole time we were married. I got checked, was fine, and started wondering if she was just trying to fuck with me.
Did she call you on April 1st?
If so, best prank ever.
Not that fucked up, honestly, but here it goes anyway:
Had a GF, we ended up breaking up. And it didn’t take much retrospective to realize how much better I felt once everything was over.
Anyway, due to loads of mutual friends we stayed in touch, and it was pretty drama-free, so it wasn’tas complicated as it could’ve been. Plus when I was in the army a couple of years later I was stationed pretty close to her and those friends. And in the weekends I didn’t have much better things to do than to hang out with them.One weekend all of us were out getting drunk together. It was pretty fun, but I’m pretty sure that she was trying to get some sort of response/reaction from me as she was always physically closest to me and none of the others, and always found a way of making any topic a reference to when we lived together. Not sure if alcohol was part of her decision making, but honestly didn’t care, as I just ignored it all and focusing on having a good time with friends. As the small hours arrived and the bar was about to close she found some dude and became a heavy makeout session in public. When it was time to head home (or back to the garrison in my case) we all said our goodbyes. I don’t even remember if she was there or not, which should indicate how much I cared about what she did or didn’t do that night.
One of my friends asked me what I had to say about it, and I was relieved (and felt kind of clever about) that my earnest response was “Never before in my life have I felt so indifferent”.
After my mandatory service was over I moved away elsewhere for work, and we all basically split up. Then she contacted me out of the blue after a long while and said she wanted to visit me. I just told her straight up “No.” and that I had a life going on that didn’t involve her. Then there were some allusions to her self-harming, and I told her that her mental health was not MY responsibility and hadn’t been for a long time, but I was going to call her mom about it (they were really close). I just put my phone away as I heard some protests and fears in the other end. I had stopped caring about things like that from her long before that point. And that was the last time we spoke. 2007 or so.
And just for the record: I ran into one of our mutual friends a while back, and she’s still fine.
Did you call her parent?
No, because I knew her well enough to know it was a drama infused act.
Not an ex, but a ONS I had, got very upset it was just and ONS. She kept messaging me for days than nothing… 1 month later she sends me a vid how she is getting fucked and the message “look what you are missing out on”.
😂 Oh my god. If my ex sent me a video of her getting fucked, you best believe I’m forwarding to anyone she knows.
Jail Any% speed run?
