Hmm, well, my ex is the kinda person to get pregnant just so she wouldn’t have to work for a roof over her head and food in her mouth. So, combine that with her “I need to have at least 5 sexual partners in my life at any time” habit and her “I need to spend more money on useless shit than the entire budget for a family of 6” habit, the whole thing didn’t last too long, shortly after the kid’s 1st birthday, I kicked her to the curb (kid stayed with me of course).

First attempt to get back together: The “oh we can continue to have sex without being in a relationship” thing. Mistake on my part to even agree, she quickly moved back in with me without my consent. One day when she was out, after promising for about 2 weeks straight that she’d move out the next day, I just told her she’s not welcome back. She then had to sell her car because her new boyfriend lied about being able to finance the down payment for her rental apartment. This got her into an abusive relationship with a person who is, quite literally, a carbon copy of her, personality wise. Holding money and his car over her so she can’t leave him. Just like she held our child over me so I couldn’t leave her (already during pregnancy she said, if I did something she didn’t like, that she’ll just dump my ass and make sure I’ll never get to see the child). This sorta felt like karma honestly.

She’s admitted this to me several times, so attempt #2 to get back together was when she had a mini-breakup with the new guy. She asked if I’d help her get a car of her own so she can at least go to work without depending on the guy. I said I’d consider it. Then a while later said nah, sorry, can’t help. Still helped her financially because there was an implication on her part that if I wouldn’t, she’d immediately sue me for custody.

End of September rolls around, and I say to her, hey, you have a boyfriend, why do I still have to help you out… After that, she kidnaps our child, makes a million excuses for it, but I can’t REALLY prove it’s because I refused to buy her a car. Oh well. I don’t see my child for about a month after that, which is technically illegal, but it doesn’t matter, because laws don’t apply to her.

End of October rolls around, she calls me, says her boyfriend hit her, could I please come pick up the kid and bring 'em back tomorrow. I say sure. I drive over, record the entire in-person exchange. She says her boyfriend has been yelling at the child quite often, and she’s powerless to stop him, he apparently just said “well you just aren’t cut out to be a mother then” when she said yelling at a 1.5 year old isn’t the way to discipline them, especially from someone who isn’t even a parent of said child. She also says that her boyfriend had hit her while she was holding the child. And that HE said she couldn’t allow ME to see my child. She asks if she can come with me, I say no, at best I can drop her off at some friend’s house, but I don’t want her at my home. I leave.

Next day, I tell her she’s not getting the kid back. She emails me saying I have no right to do this, and that “just because there was a police car in front of the apartment building, you can’t immediately assume there’s anything going on at our home”, etc. CPS has already been informed of everything she’d said the previous day and I consulted my lawyer as well. They said it was absolutely fine for me to not allow the child back into such circumstances. There are about 4 or 5 email exchanges between us where she just ignores it when I repeat to her what she’d said that day, and focuses on the police car and “my assumptions”, when I explain to her why she can’t have the kid back.

For the next month, I keep telling her she can’t take the child to her place. I’m willing to meet up with her, and go to a park or someplace where she can play with the child. I offer two dates, and when she says “Oh I offered you 3 days per week, all you offer me is two days, not recurring” and I told her “I’m not the one trying to limit you to any specific days or dates, those are just the days I have available THIS week, but if you find a time slot that works for you some other day, just tell me ahead of time and we’ll make it work”. She ignores this. We have this exact email exchange 2 or 3 times. She still claims to this day that I only offered her one date, ever, and then proceeded to deny her any opportunity of seeing the child - despite the fact that I clearly outlined why I can’t trust her to take the child to her place, and that she’d be welcome to see them any time, just gotta let me know in advance.

At the recommendation of the CPS employee, I still caved in and let her take the child after about a month. First time she brings the kid back, but keeps the car seat, saying she bought it so it’s hers to keep, and that I should buy a new one. Of course what she ignores is that I sent her the money to buy it that time, and that we were married so anything we bought together is shared property anyway.

Second time, I tell her that I’m just giving her the child, nothing else. I don’t want to see any more of the kid’s things on sale, because I’ve already lost a LOT of clothes and stuff I’ve bought for them. She just kept looting them. She says “well if you’re going to be like that then I’m telling CPS I can’t trust the child back with you” and that’s exactly what she does. Again, a million excuses in an email she sent to me the next morning, but I again recorded the entire exchange.

We’re in family mediation now. Have to go through it before I can sue her. She just keeps lying, including about things I have proof of. I don’t tell her I have proof. We agreed on some times where I can meet the child, including today for a few hours. We meet up, go to a playground, she’s oddly friendly. As she puts the kid back in her car, she tells me that actually as soon as she can get back on her feet financially, she’s leaving her boyfriend because he keeps lying to her about debts, other girlfriends and employment. Everything, really. She’s been collecting proof. She asks if I she can give me a hug, I say no, it’d be weird. A bit later in the conversation she asks yet again if I see any future where we’re together again. I have a recording of this entire exchange too. I actually have more shit, but these are some of the conversations she’d be most devastated to find out that I can prove.

My proposal at the family mediation is going to be that until she can get back on her feet, the kid lives with me, but visits her of course, and after that we can have the mediation again, maybe in like a year and a half. Maybe the kid can live with her then, if she’s improved a few key aspects of her life and personality. Because never in this entire thing have I wanted to take the kid away from her, but I need to protect my offspring.

Ah btw, this entire time she’s been on sick leave from work. Literally since september, and she also took out sick leave in august, for a job she started in august, after she quit (or got fired from) the job she had for almost the whole month of july.