Edit: because a few comments make me worry that some are taking this seriously - this meme is a play on the type of hopeless dating posts you might find in less healthy corners of the internet. The joke is a suggestion that the real problem is that one man in the image has some sort of arrow-attracting superpower.

  • mydoomlessaccount@infosec.pub
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    Damn, people just straight-up don’t care about the content of an image if they see an opportunity to go on a tangent.

    I wonder how ridiculous you have to make the text- paired with a pictograph of a problematic take like the original for this one- before people realize it’s not actually repeating the original sentiment or even saying anything at all

    • irelephant [he/him]🍭@lemm.ee
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      You should read the edit.

      Edit: because a few comments make me worry that some are taking this seriously - this meme is a play on the type of hopeless dating posts you might find in less healthy corners of the internet. The joke is a suggestion that the real problem is that one man in the image has some sort of arrow-attracting superpower.

      • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world
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        2 days ago

        Ignoring the issue with jokes doesn’t help anyone.

        Mocking incels doesn’t make them better.

        It feels good though.

        This is reddit behavior.

  • perestroika@lemm.ee
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    Society is borked in many ways, and dating sites often reinforce this with their policies.

    The Wikipedia article about online dating tells that typical (I assume: card stack, like / dislike) dating sites cause different genders to adopt different strategies:

    Men liked a large proportion of the profiles they viewed, but received returning likes only 0.6% of the time; women were much more selective but received matches 10% of the time. Men received matches at a much slower rate than women. Once they received a match, women were far more likely than men to send a message, 21% compared to 7%, but they took more time before doing so.

    By sending out questionnaires to frequent Tinder users, the researchers discovered that the reason why men tended to like a large proportion of the women they saw was to increase their chances of getting a match. This led to a feedback loop in which men liked more and more of the profiles they saw while women could afford to be even more selective in liking profiles because of a greater probability of a match.[15]

    P.S.

    My biggest peeve is that the monopolist Match Group (runs Tinder, bought and ruined OkCupid, etc) and its nearest competitor Bumble have both adopted a card stack system that makes searching impossible. They also won’t display any statistics to a user about the number of people who saw their profile - keeping their customer in perfect darkness.

    In most fields of life, a customer would not be satisfied with this kind of shit. A company advertising their product would demand instant feedback about the number and profile of people who viewed their ad, where they came from, how long they browsed, etc.

    Basically, we are all getting scammed by a few monopolists, who are actively ruining people’s ability to find partners. I would support a politician who promises to let the best university in the country to build a non-profit dating site.

    • vrojak@feddit.org
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      2 days ago

      What is okcupid like nowadays? I found a partner there like 7 years ago and out of all the dating sites I’ve tried, it was the best by a good margin.

      • perestroika@lemm.ee
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        It no longer respects geographical preferences. Here in Estonia, if you go on OkCupid from Tallinn, you see about 30 Finnish people from Helsinki (across the sea, 80 km away) before you encounter a local (you also get 30 likes from Central Africa and South-East Asia).

        It also has the card stack system now.

        The question system remains and remains helpful, just the rest is broken.

        • vrojak@feddit.org
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          Oh come on the lack of a stack system was such a positive. I loved how I could look over all profiles around me, see who managed to write more than 10 words about themselves and just send them a message. I guess that system just worked to well, I never felt the need to pay for anything

  • rabber@lemmy.ca
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    2 days ago

    The fact that dating apps allow you to filter by height and not weight literally says it all

  • psycho_driver@lemmy.world
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    This is absolutely how online dating goes. There have been studies that show women always go for the most attractive guys on the site, despite whatever BS they might claim.

    Real life, not necessarily.

    • perestroika@lemm.ee
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      A more detailed description:

      Provided a card stack system, the dynamic balance of liking vs. skipping tends to stabilize into a state where men like everyone reasonably cute (“to get more chances”). This is also caused by their inability search for a conversation partner in a rational manner, because it’s a card stack system. Often enough, all the information you have is a photo, age and city.

      This causes women to experience a saturation of likes: everyone likes them. This causes them to be extremely picky about who they like back.

      The result: unbalance. Dating sites view women as a “resource” to attract men, and men as customers to be scammed out of money to actually show their profile to someone, once in a while.

    • Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee
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      There was a blog by the creator of OKcupid, which was available on the site, that laid all this out pretty clearly. Something like 80% of the women were after 20% of the men, or perhaps it was even worse than that.

      Women also, on average, rated men something like 1.5/5, whereas the average for men rating women was almost exactly 3/5.

      It was a pretty depressing read actually.

      • 2ugly2live@lemmy.world
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        You have to also look at the fact that men outnumber women on the app overall. It’s about 65% men, so women are going to have a bigger pool to reject from. And while it is true that women rate men less attractive, they also put less value on their apperence overall as a factor in dating. It also came out that this was based off of first glance only with no review of the profiles attached to them and, when looking at overall trends, it’s more even, (outside of men tending to like young women regardless of their age).

        I think the okcupid data also went on about how certain races get more or less attention as well. At the end of the day, both sides can be picky. I think people like to push that data to help with the “80/20” idea to help push this idea that men are now being unfairly judged in comparison to women to help with the gender war narrative.

        Edit: Just wanted to add that I don’t think that means dating isn’t hard for men, but I just don’t believe dating websites to be a reflection of real life.

        • Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee
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          The racial data was also fascinating, Asian men and black women were shit outta luck, from memory.

      • Rachelhazideas@lemmy.world
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        This says more about how women are socially pressured to wear make up, dress well, wax, and de-age themselves or risk being labeled as ‘unwomanly’ or become irrelevant.

        How many men do you know feel pressured to put the same effort into their appearances as the average woman does?

        And don’t tell me how working out counts. One, there are zero health benefits to putting on make up. Two, women are incessantly reminded about losing weight rather than just be healthy whether it’s from the media, advertisements, or just people using ‘fat’ as an insult especially for middle aged women.

        How often do you hear old women being complimented on their appearances compared to old men? Forget about appearances, how often are they relevant in conversations? Invisible Woman Syndrome is almost like a super power.

        • WraithGear@lemmy.world
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          This is like the opposite of when people complain that when ever anyone tries to talk about women issues, men have to suddenly make it about them. I don’t know why this has to be a zero sum event here.

    • mindaika@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      No, it’s like that irl too. I’m in a dance community and women are routinely all hooking up with the same handful of guys, and then being shocked that they’re not the only one booking up with that guy. It was like that in yoga when I was in yoga too

    • Spaceballstheusername@lemmy.world
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      But what’s attractive is very subjective especially for women. Yes there are some general things being somewhat fit, decent hygiene, symmetrical proportions but there are plenty of studies that show women find the same man with a wide range of attractiveness vs men who have a much more narrow and agreed upon what is attractive. One thing that’s more consistent is appearance of wealth makes men more attractive to most women.

      • RedditRefugee69@lemmynsfw.com
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        Men are valued for their wealth.

        Women are valued for their youth.

        It’s brutal but that’s the general rule of attractiveness.

        • CalipherJones@lemmy.world
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          Men are also valued for their looks. That guy that got a modeling deal right out of prison because women were swooning over him comes to mind.

        • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today
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          Bah! The slaverunner society’s rules get in the way of everything.

          They would not be after wealth if it was evenly distributed!

          Same for youth I suppose…

    • LarmyOfLone@lemm.ee
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      I suspect that women have dual mode sexual selection: Either dad material then attractiveness doesn’t matter as much as stable personality and material conditions, or someone with attractive exceptional genes. Meanwhile men will only judge by attractiveness but men (including the attractive ones) will still fuck anything.

      Basically game theory and the structure of dating apps makes women only be able to select for the first criteria.

  • Artyom@lemm.ee
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    To make this more accurate for modern dating apps, you should keep all the men, but only have like 3 of the women. Dating apps aren’t there to get you a match, they’re there to convince you that you will get a match…eventually. The money is in creating a feeling that doesn’t reflect reality.

  • Asafum@feddit.nl
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    3 days ago

    So what you’re saying is to go to an archery field to find a woman! I’ve been doing it wrong the whole time!

  • RabbitBBQ@lemmy.world
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    Dating shouldn’t be monetized. Even sending messages often requires a subscription. You’ll also notice these dating app companies own several products, like the Match Group. They buy up competitors or spam out the same software under different names with a marketing campaign to try to get people to join. Then they restrict features and charge more to maintain their position. That’s without even getting to all the data they collect and sale while also charging you a subscription. Just imagine talking to someone you want to date in real life and having a middle man come up and say, if you want to talk to them you need to give me $20 a month. All the “science” they use to connect people is just bullshit too.

    • andros_rex@lemmy.world
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      If dating apps worked, they wouldn’t really “work” under capitalism - you’d find someone, cancel the subscription and move on.

      The only really exception is if you focus on hookups or polyamory, but het cis women tend to risk a lot more on hookups (at bare minimum pregnancy and side effects related to whatever precautions are being used to prevent it), so they aren’t going to seek them out and they tend to get flooded with low quality messages anyway.

      No matter what your age, race, gender, sex, size, you can always find a man willing to put their dick inside your orifices. Grindr works so well because it’s basically just old school cruising culture with extra frills. Match Group uses it’s monopoly to impose a dating culture that doesn’t really match with how het people form relationships.

  • IninewCrow@lemmy.ca
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    3 days ago

    So a possible answer is to live as a hermit in the middle of nowhere. And if a woman appears for some reason, she will have no choice but your long bearded, long matted haired, musk scented, disheveled, gaunt self as a possible mate.

    • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
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      Ah, the actual ‘last possible mate in the world’ strategy.

      We must procreate for thr human species!

      lol

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    3 days ago

    If you’re an average guy tempted to believe this, allow me, as an average guy who gets plenty of women, to tell you how it works. You are the one with the arrows, but if you don’t shoot your shot, out of fear of rejection, you’re never going to get what you want. So get out there and start shooting your shot.

    • conditional_soup@lemm.ee
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      Straight up, the best living proof of this I’ve ever seen was a fifty-odd year old co-worker whose face looked like if you stuck Don Knotts’ face in a microwave/centrifuge combination for about 45 seconds. Dude had teeth poking out forward at near right angles. He pulled so much fucking tail, it was a constant problem at work. Incels refuse to believe me when I tell them about it, but, just, shit, idk what you want me to say, this quasi modo ass dude had game, so what’s your excuse?

      • skulblaka@sh.itjust.works
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        Fucking same, man. Guy I used to work with was 57, alcoholic, had like 3 teeth left, bad attitude, the works. Looked like a man-rat hybrid had been drinking moonshine and gasoline for two centuries. Brought a new woman home from the bars at least once a week. Some of them half his age. I know he wasn’t rich either because I’d been to his house before and I occasionally had to lend him some cash, so it’s not like he was flexing with money.

        I got to actually hear him put the moves on somebody once and I don’t remember his opener but I shit you not his winning line was “Yeah I tell ya, I’m hung like a pimple but I’ve had some good practice with it, wanna come see?” and a little wink and I swear on my ancestors it fucking worked, it’s insane, I thought I was having a stroke.

        • conditional_soup@lemm.ee
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          Yeah, same with my dude, he wasn’t rich either, but I heard him lay it on thick one time and it was like I was suddenly filming for Nat geo, and I don’t mean that in a gross way. It was more like watching a ritual that was completely foreign to me, like I was bearing witness to lost knowledge. He was a supervisor, and I tell you, I never saw him write anyone up ever, but everyone would bend over backwards for him because he was just a super likable dude.

    • Azzu@lemm.ee
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      An average guy who shoots his shot is practically already above average. Most don’t shoot their shot, or very very timidly with maximum safety

      • Dzso@lemmy.world
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        Yep, it’s an easy win for the average guy. But most won’t do it because they’re afraid of rejection.

          • Dzso@lemmy.world
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            And thus, we are afraid of rejection.

            You’re right that women are sick of being hit on all the time. But I’ll let you in on a secret: it’s not the expression of interest that annoys women, it’s when dudes ignore the cues that they’re not interested and continue anyway, or can’t take no for an answer. Basically, women are sick of guys who don’t pay attention to their boundaries and can’t take rejection. But I guarantee you, women are just as horny as men, and love getting attention from a man who is aware of their boundaries and who won’t push when they express a boundary.

            • SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social
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              This doesn’t make any sense. So we should ignore the cues that they’re not interested and take our shot anyway, even though men ignoring signs of disinterest is annoying, and they love getting attention from men who pay heed to their boundaries when the boundary is not wanting our attention? Or should we take no for an answer and handle rejection gracefully by not hitting on them when they’re not interested, because that’s the proper way to hit on women?

              • Dzso@lemmy.world
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                Let me simplify it for you: pay attention to social cues. It’s not hard.

                • XM34@feddit.org
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                  That last one is a complete lie. It absolutly is hard. Especially with the complete lack of proper communication skills most women display. Seriously, a lot of women consider “looking at you” maximum flirting effort. Except of course when they aren’t and are just randomly looking in your direction.

            • Azzu@lemm.ee
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              It’s the expression of interest by unattractive people that is annoying. Continuing past cues of disinterest is one of the most unattractive things you can do.

              • Dzso@lemmy.world
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                But often the person is perfectly attractive, it’s just that the person they are hitting on is not interested and they don’t take the hint. For example, as a straight man, I often get hit on by gay men. They’re perfectly attractive men, it’s just that I don’t like men, and it has nothing to do with them being unattractive. I don’t mind when a gay man expresses interest as long as he respects me saying that I’m not interested. It’s when he continues to push, and ignores my closed body language and short answers, or outright dismisses my “no thanks”, that’s when it becomes uncomfortable, and that’s what women are sick of too.

                • Azzu@lemm.ee
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                  … did you read my comment? “Continuing past cues of disinterest is one of the most unattractive things you can do.”

                  Behavior is part of attractiveness, it’s not only physical.