Not to narc my brother in law but he quit his job to play video games because he was burnt out. He acts like getting Microsoft game pass points is a fulltime job and doesn’t cook, clean, or do dishes in their house. He’s going on 5 years acting like binge gaming is healthy
I see what they’re going for, but I’m sticking with the real gold diggers being the ones who don’t do any of that stuff and also don’t pay any bills.
They’re talking about some other concept, and should probably call it something other than “gold digger”.
Wow so comment sections here are just men patting each other on the back eh
Yep, the comments on many feminist social media posts prove the need for feminism
Tbh, men carry their own mental load so consistently that I’m seeing news stories about how men are turning to AI for therapy instead of talking to literally any human instead
sometimes “carry the mental load” looks like organizing and remembering the grocery list, remembering whose birthdays are when and planning gifts and cards in time, etc. - it’s not just feeling burdened with emotions or emotional labor in that sense (obviously men have emotional loads, and often don’t feel they can be vulnerable enough to get help - but the problem there is still patriarchy, the same problem that puts women in the position the meme talks about: men and women have a shared enemy, and it’s patriarchy).
And sometimes “carrying the mental load” is being burdened by an endless emotional load from your partner, which I see (and personally experience) women unloading onto men, at minimum, an order of magnitude more often than the reverse. Are we just ignoring the load incurred by “venting”?
I was under the impression the “mental load” had to do with non visible labor such as: planning/shopping/taking inventory for weekly meals, managing all household inventory, managing household laundry (as in, does my child(ren) have what they need for the coming day(s)?), planning birthdays, group activities/meetings, doctors appointments ect, bills, and planning repairs for various things, all the planning stuff that goes with living in a household together as family.
All the mental organizational stuff that needs to be clear to execute running life smoothly. And life is chaos for most, so it takes work.
I think venting and being there for a stressed out partner is emotional labor. While both happen mentally and unless you’re a list/spreadsheet type, happen within the brain, it’s a bit different, emotional labor vs what we call “mental load”
Edit: if a person is dating someone, and your partner is constantly just, stressing you out to a point you have resentment, they may not be right for you. Two good people can date, and just bring out the worst in one another. Sometimes it can be worked on to get better, sometimes it’s just incompatibility.
It’s okay to leave things that stress you out like this. I highly recommend doing so.
I don’t want you to solve my problem I just want you to listen powerless to do anything about this problem that will continue to be a negative impact on your life quit judging me.
it’s not about whether you want your partner to do anything about the problem or not, any person with empathy will feel hurt if their partner feels hurt. I think there simply should be a balance between venting and keeping it for yourself.
We can’t talk to humans, admitting to having feelings and problems is seen as weak and unattractive. It’s just a another part of the load.
I was emotionally vulnerable with my ex one(1) time and the relationship mysteriously began falling apart immediately afterwards.
This kind of comment makes me sad.
I wrote a whole thing and deleted it, but as a lady, everytime I see someone say this comment it makes me sad you’ve had that experience. Sometimes it’s for the best though, breaking up. I hope you find someone who truly hears you one day
I’ve been with my wife for over a decade now, she’s much better. But she is an exception to the general trend. Breaking up was definitely for the best.
My husband verbatim has called me an exception too, just not of women, but humans in general. Im glad you found your exception :)
the REAL gold diggers literally dig… for gold
i’ve seen both balanced and unbalanced relationships of highly dominant woman, of highly dominant man, of one bringing in income and the other not, etc. i havent seen the specific type the person is mentioning yet. I saw one where the man had more income yet was 100% submissive to an extremely dominating woman. Also one where both had equal income but the man treated the woman horribly. Equal income but man lazy while woman hardworking at home? i think the closest i saw was a real estate woman who 100% supported her family and the husband was sort of lame and had no job, tho since he was the one at home he still did maybe 60% of home work id guess.
anyway, there are lots of bad relationship types. rawr!
and there are probably relationships that are the opposite of the meme where the couple has equal income but its the woman who is lazy and the man does more at home
We’re all just people, man
All types get with all types.
Leave it to bourgeois feminism to recognize a real and serious problem in today’s system (the exploitation and deliberate oppression of women via unpaid labor to grow future workers to be exploited by capitalists for no cost to them), only for them to toss aside the class character of the problem and blame men.
No, it’s definitely both. You’re just not going to get an essay-length nuanced analysis out of a Tweet, so it’s easy to give people the least charitable interpretation. It’s unfair to reduce feminism and the larger points about divisions of labor to this one tweet, and then take the moral high ground. Twitter and Bluesky suck and have little redeeming value, but here is a chance to have more extended discussions without making snap judgments.
There’s a portion of Marxist men, certainly not all of them, who partake in essentialism and are reluctant to take women seriously, along with other cultural issues. The class struggle is a venn diagram with the rights of people in marginalized groups. It’s important, but it’s not absolutely everything.
are you on our side or not? feminism should incorporate class analysis, but feminism cannot be reduced to class analysis, patriarchy will be a problem whether women are exploited by capitalism or some other economic system
I’m definitely on the side of marxist feminists (which is one of the bigger branches/theories in the feminist spaces), which is one of the major theories that is based on class analysis and one that recognizes how capitalism and patriarchy (which are not being conflated into one) are interconnected and support one another.
It’s also opposed to bourgeois feminism, which might deliberately omit systemic causes behind oppression (see: the original post) and just aims to benefit women at the top while working class women get shafted.
Hope this answers what my stance is at least.
just a small tip, if you want to keep alliances with other feminists, criticizing them for targeting patriarchy and double standards between women and men as being “bourgeois” for not including class analysis is only going to alienate and work against the solidarity we need as a movement
I’m not sure everything you see as bourgeois feminism is as genuinely “bourgeois” or problematic as you think - it’s not like the meme is perpetuating Sheryl Sandberg style thinking even if there is more that could be said about the situation.
Yeah, maybe you’re right.
Thanks for being awesome, comrade 🫶
Is it “bourgeois feminism,” or just the inherent limitations of Twitter/Bluesky as a medium and its inability to provide extended context to thesis statements?
‘Class’ in the hierarchal marxist sense, while real and coloring just about every socially mediated thing, is not the only factpr or criteria.
If you have to pick only one to observe, or observe first, its a pretty good one. If you can only pick one, or make judgements on literally the first factor you observe, you are not a functional intelligence; just a better flavor of reactionary.
The minimum wage is $7 an hour dear.
I’m down for a universal basic income, but sorry folks doing chores is not “unpaid labor”
yet when you do it for someone else it’s paid, it’s arbitrary that women’s work has been socialized as not deserving a wage, a retirement plan, or even basic respect - yet producing a future worker and socializing them, which is the source of all capital, is entirely exploited and taken without compensation of any kind
this is the point of the Wages for Housework movement
I support a universal basic income, everyone deserves to have their basic needs met at a minimum, we don’t live in a society where there is a shortage of anything, at least in developed countries….
I will read your post tomorrow… thanks
I don’t think people should be paid for taking care of their families or doing their chores, if you are doing someone else’s chores and that is your job then sure…. But like I said I do think we should have basic income etc….
I wouldn’t vote against a referendum that suggested we pay single mothers or fathers or other folks unable to work for whatever reason though, so it could just be semantics and games of words to describe the same thing… not sure
In the United States if I was a single father I would much rather be homeless and able to spend time with my kid than to work and have to be away from them… but I’m also a dirty hippy who knows that life is possible
After reading the post I’m still not convinced. I do think folks who have jobs as waiters, waitresses, house keepers, nanny’s, service workers in general both men and women so as not to be sexist, also paid time paternity and maternity leave for all jobs, I can support a lot of these things, all of these people, and also anyone who works deserves a living wage.
Edited for double negatives lol but hopefully meaning is clear
I just disagree that calling our chores unpaid labor makes any sense if we are trying to actually make it happen…with legislation. I live in the USA and 🎤 🎙️ 🎼 🎶 I’m proud to be an American because basic income works for me, and is proven to work. 🎵 🎶 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎶
Again, I would not vote against it no matter what it is was or will be called.
Also, I did not downvote you by the way I ain’t like that
I’m proud to be an American because basic income works for me, and is proven to work
What do you mean by basic income here? We dont have ubi in the states, so I’m not sure what you mean here
How else would it be framed, if she’s expected to do the lion’s share of work in the relationship, without any compensation?
And often being expected to, without a word of gratitude in return
I just have to say here, I’m a housewife, were kind of poor, like, we should be middle class, but it’s 2025. My staying home was my decision, and is to support my disabled son, support my own cptsd so I may do the former as best I can, and I of course enjoy giving support to my husband, who’s been raising my son as his own for as long as my son’s working memory is, and he does a damn good job.
He shows gratitude towards me, doesn’t expect a perfect house nor have any expectations outside of taking care of myself and my kid, I do the house work, including his work clothes and such, because I expect a clean kitchen and home myself, and I want to give back and carry my weight anyway I can while we raise my son, who I am absolutely the primary. I will sometimes apologize I’ve had a potato day, and he will tell me, “good, I’m glad you had a relaxing day”. He’ll harp on me for being too hard on myself. He shows gratitude all the time, and is my best friend through thick and thin. He does all the bills, and I’ve never had the card decline for something I’ve needed for my kid. We both show gratitude for what eachother do.
There are good men out there. There are selfish people and there are kind people. If someone doesn’t appreciate you and holds expectations, leave. It took so many tries in dating to find the one I love. My child’s father one time criticized me after I had done the dishes, I didn’t clean down behind the sink. He said he always cleans behind the sink when he does the dishes. Did we fight? Yeah. In the few years we were together, I think he did the dishes twice. So, the duality of people…is not lost on me.
I just want to share a story of a good man. Shit bags exist and should work on themselves. But life is balance. So fuck.
I’m afraid I’m about to get flamed idk
You really won’t. I’m really glad you have one of the good ones! Where did he learn it from?
He has a good dad who loves him 😭
He was in therapy a lot as a child, his parents divorced when he was young, he witnessed his mother be abused physically by her second husband when he was a child, and stuggled for years as a teen/young adult. His parents put him in therapy, as his father’s brother comitted suicide when he was in college, so the whole family took mental health seriously way before it was culturally common. My husband worked on himself through the years and takes accountability for his mistakes.
But he’ll tell you his father saved his life so many times as a young person. The best parenting advice I ever got was from my husband’s father, “sometimes all you can do is love your kid(s) through the hard thing, just got to love them through it”
I’m a dv outreach worker, and there’s certain types of men that are raised in abusive homes that turn out FIERCELY protective of women. Nobody will ever fight for a woman as hard as they do, ever. I bloody love men like that, I absolutely bloody love them
Oh shit, better start dine-n-dashing at eateries (food preparation and dishes are chores and therefore aren’t labour i guess)
As a freegan I hear you but there is so much waste you don’t actually need to steal, I have had anarchist friends though… the different flavors of caviar are pretty good not gonna lie
But, surely you see the difference between eating at a restaurant and eating at home. Seems like a bad faith argument.
I do support universal basic income and would not vote against legislation that phrased it as paying folks for so called unpaid labor, I just don’t think the wording is correct… much like defund the police is phrased incorrectly, I support defunding the police but I don’t think it’s a good way to phrase it. Police need more resources and social workers on their teams and more training, not more military gear, but calling it defunding the police just automatically gets all the republicans and half the democrats against it because of how it sounds…. Same as this… doing your laundry and doing your dishes is not something you should get paid for unless you are getting an allowance from your parents, even then it’s iffy
