sometimes “carry the mental load” looks like organizing and remembering the grocery list, remembering whose birthdays are when and planning gifts and cards in time, etc. - it’s not just feeling burdened with emotions or emotional labor in that sense (obviously men have emotional loads, and often don’t feel they can be vulnerable enough to get help - but the problem there is still patriarchy, the same problem that puts women in the position the meme talks about: men and women have a shared enemy, and it’s patriarchy).
And sometimes “carrying the mental load” is being burdened by an endless emotional load from your partner, which I see (and personally experience) women unloading onto men, at minimum, an order of magnitude more often than the reverse. Are we just ignoring the load incurred by “venting”?
I was under the impression the “mental load” had to do with non visible labor such as: planning/shopping/taking inventory for weekly meals, managing all household inventory, managing household laundry (as in, does my child(ren) have what they need for the coming day(s)?), planning birthdays, group activities/meetings, doctors appointments ect, bills, and planning repairs for various things, all the planning stuff that goes with living in a household together as family.
All the mental organizational stuff that needs to be clear to execute running life smoothly. And life is chaos for most, so it takes work.
I think venting and being there for a stressed out partner is emotional labor. While both happen mentally and unless you’re a list/spreadsheet type, happen within the brain, it’s a bit different, emotional labor vs what we call “mental load”
Edit: if a person is dating someone, and your partner is constantly just, stressing you out to a point you have resentment, they may not be right for you. Two good people can date, and just bring out the worst in one another. Sometimes it can be worked on to get better, sometimes it’s just incompatibility.
It’s okay to leave things that stress you out like this. I highly recommend doing so.
I don’t want you to solve my problem I just want you to listen powerless to do anything about this problem that will continue to be a negative impact on your life quit judging me.
it’s not about whether you want your partner to do anything about the problem or not, any person with empathy will feel hurt if their partner feels hurt. I think there simply should be a balance between venting and keeping it for yourself.
sometimes “carry the mental load” looks like organizing and remembering the grocery list, remembering whose birthdays are when and planning gifts and cards in time, etc. - it’s not just feeling burdened with emotions or emotional labor in that sense (obviously men have emotional loads, and often don’t feel they can be vulnerable enough to get help - but the problem there is still patriarchy, the same problem that puts women in the position the meme talks about: men and women have a shared enemy, and it’s patriarchy).
And sometimes “carrying the mental load” is being burdened by an endless emotional load from your partner, which I see (and personally experience) women unloading onto men, at minimum, an order of magnitude more often than the reverse. Are we just ignoring the load incurred by “venting”?
I was under the impression the “mental load” had to do with non visible labor such as: planning/shopping/taking inventory for weekly meals, managing all household inventory, managing household laundry (as in, does my child(ren) have what they need for the coming day(s)?), planning birthdays, group activities/meetings, doctors appointments ect, bills, and planning repairs for various things, all the planning stuff that goes with living in a household together as family.
All the mental organizational stuff that needs to be clear to execute running life smoothly. And life is chaos for most, so it takes work.
I think venting and being there for a stressed out partner is emotional labor. While both happen mentally and unless you’re a list/spreadsheet type, happen within the brain, it’s a bit different, emotional labor vs what we call “mental load”
Edit: if a person is dating someone, and your partner is constantly just, stressing you out to a point you have resentment, they may not be right for you. Two good people can date, and just bring out the worst in one another. Sometimes it can be worked on to get better, sometimes it’s just incompatibility.
It’s okay to leave things that stress you out like this. I highly recommend doing so.
I don’t want you to solve my problem I just want you to listen powerless to do anything about this problem that will continue to be a negative impact on your life quit judging me.
it’s not about whether you want your partner to do anything about the problem or not, any person with empathy will feel hurt if their partner feels hurt. I think there simply should be a balance between venting and keeping it for yourself.