“How do I deal with friends or family members that are autistic?”

Well, one way is to try to actually understand them and where they’re coming from and what they’re really saying. Actually have the conversation and engage.

If you haven’t actually tried to do that, then this is 100% on you.

If you HAVE tried to, and actually cannot have a conversation, you still have choices. You could hold a side conversation with somebody else. You could leave the space. You could try to out-compete them in talking over you, if that’s the case, and hold your ground. You could also just stand up, and give them a hug and tell them it’s gonna be okay, as a lot of people just come from a place of fear.

However, something about your wording and perspective leads me to believe you are not the type of person who can rise to an occasion and converse with difficult subjects with upset people, or have the emotional fortitude to deal with a neurodivergent person. Have you thought about maybe just not inviting them, or just avoiding them, altogether? Because being passive aggressive like you seem isn’t the way. Even if, in your gatherings, it is acceptable or common, I encourage you to not sink to that level of toxic manipulation, if you can really help it.

Depending on the subject of your subject, you may steer the conversation into a more entertaining perspective or topic that’s good for both of you.

In the worst case, though, you can always go outside for a quick run or walk and refresh your mind.

Edit: if it is just straight up abuse, which your description does not lead me to believe, but other comments presume, I do encourage you to treat it as the conflict that it is, appropriately.

you just don’t invite those people. if it’s out of your control, then you don’t engage

Guys I’m 43 and my generation is already turning the “fuck this shit” dial a bit. If you guys are younger than 35 please PLEASE turn it all the way up!
Your abusive uncle, your homophobic aunt, you shithead brother and your permissive parents FUCK THEM.

If you have to “deal with it” to spend time with people you love they don’t love you back.

edit: just want to add if someone needs to hear: They are not your universe. Being alone can be freeing and rebuilding your life can be easier than you think

Buy your own house, host the events and when they start up threaten loudly to throw them out if they keep on spewing that racist shit in your house.

Damn that felt good. Best thing ever about owning your own home.

Set healthy boundaries.

“I don’t want to keep talking about this today.”

And then leave the room.

If they make suicidal threats.

“If you’re serious I’m going to have to call a welfare check.”

Don’t.

Just removing obligations, and even going no contact does wonders.

“If this is your entire personality it makes sense that the only place you have to talk about it is with people who think they have no choice but to invite you.”

“If you don’t learn how to read the room you may not be invited back into it.”

Tell him loudly that he doesn’t know shit and to shut the fuck up. This is the year you let it all out. You’ve been building a dam of tolerance for this person, a dam which he’s been trying to undermine because he’s too fucking dumb to understand the extreme restraint you have shown against the potential flood right behind those walls.

Let him have it.

“can we talk about something else? How’s your pet doing btw?”

Some of you lack very basic communication skills.

Honestly I’ve never had that issue.

One of my favourite things to do at a holiday get-together is hijack the TV with my MacBook. Most people think Apple stuff only talks to other Apple stuff in the Ecosystem/Walled Garden and that Android is some rebel front against Apple. Most people are also fucking stupid. If I’m on your WiFi and you have a smart TV, best believe I can take that shit over with like two clicks. My family has one of those TVs, I think it’s a Roku? where if you don’t watch anything, it goes to this city skyline screensaver with billboards advertising the streaming services it has? Like there’s a Netflix billboard, there’s a Disney+ one, you might even see one for Apple TV at some point. But it’s just a looping video. When I see that — nobody’s picking something — I pull out the MacBook, find a movie, and cast to it. Nobody questions why the TV did that without anyone touching the remote.

Last time, it was KPop Demon Hunters. Maybe a couple people assumed I had something to do with it, but within minutes, all the kids were occupied with it. By the second or third song, even the adults were singing along (I was playing the Sing-Along version). It was great. Might do it again. I can’t just put on anything. It has to hook a few people, which in turn draws others.

So, distraction.

Also, I sit at the kids’ table. They have far more interesting conversations. And there’s always some kid, almost always a girl, usually one around 7-12, who will tell me I don’t belong there. Like some little Philosopher’s Stone-year Hermione, some little know-it-all. I’ll wait until none of the other adults are looking, and she’ll catch a pea or a carrot slice to the face, look at me, and see my look of “I’ll do it again” on my face. That usually settles it. Once in a while it turns into a food fight, which I never get blamed for because I know when to stop.

We only do these whole-family get-togethers a few times a year. It’s usually a good time. But honestly, by the end of the day I just wanna take my pants off and wind down watching TV (at home I mean, and we don’t have kids so I don’t mean anything weird). Get tired of people after a while. Even the fun ones. But the time I gotta be there? I make it work for me.

Remove them from your life.

Be honest before inviting them, that if they behave that way they should stay away. Any suicidal ideation should be discussed with their psychiatrist. There is no shame in cutting ties with toxic people.

Slap your knees , say “whelp…” then stand up and walk away.

You could try bring an overactive listener. Ask a lot of questions “What does that mean?” “Can you give examples?” if you time them right, it’ll completely mess up his for when he’s monologuing.

Or, at the very least, you can have fun trying to see who can ask the stupidest question about Uncle Dave’s obsession.

Earplugs, and alcohol from the start.

Fake musculo-skeletal injury - sprained ankle would do - where for rehab you have to get up and walk a few thousand steps in a row 2-3 times a day - gives you an excuse to beep your watch at any time and go out for a walk for medical reasons.