For my birthday, my spouse got me a nicer newer expensive version of a thing I already have. The one I have is older and dented but works just fine. I use it weekly. I never complain about it. I’ve never asked for a newer one. The one I have was given to me by my mother in law, whom I adore. It’s sentimental.

I don’t like new things. When they got me a 3d printer, it was the cheapest one and it was a kit and I had to build myself. I loved it. It’s perfect for me. I regularly buy things used or get things from Buy Nothing groups. I much prefer to repair old things in many ways. My car has over 100k miles. The one before did too. I don’t like new things.

We got into a huge argument because I want to return it. They are so upset with me that they left the house to calm down. Why am I the bad person? Why are they mad at me? I have a very clear tendency for old broken used things. Why am I obligated to like this new thing?

We literally established a rule early in our marriage. I’m not allowed to gift nerdy t shirts. They don’t like them. I love them. I thought they would like them but they do not. So they asked me to stop. This feels the same. I do not like new things. Why am I the bad guy for wanting to return the newer version of the thing I already have?

  • ApollosArrow@lemmy.world
    1·
    3 hours ago

    It think it’s about balance. I have the same view point as yours. Early on, my wife would just get me new things of objects I already had. The difference is timing. I would tell her after the fact to not ruin her mood. She eventually understood and learned.

    Every now and then she still does get me a thing I believe I don’t need. But she’s learned to be observant and is usually correct. If it were up to me, I would likely wear socks until all 5 toes are showing through. What I do in this instance is keep the new thing and I make sure I gift the older item to someone in need of it, or as back up for myself if the space allows. I am very much known in my spaces as the person that gives things away. If you’ve been in my life at least 3yrs, you probably own something that belonged to me.

    I’m not sure what the relationship is between OP and the partner, but timing of when you tell them, does matter. Don’t do it right when the person has given you the gift, just wait. From what info there is, it doesn’t sound like they are a repeat offender of violating their rules.