In my experience it’s easy to tell when a guy is only being friendly with a girl because he wants to fuck her and when he’s genuinely bring her friend.
It’s not misogyny to think other men would try to fuck your girlfriend. Especially if she remains in contact with someone who is only her friend because he’s trying to fuck her.
Her guy friends are only friends with her because they want to fuck her.
It’s not misogyny to think other men would try to fuck your girlfriend.
Even if you can be correct in a given individual assessment within the context of your own life, you made a broad, unconditional statement where you intrinsically assumed the guy you’ve never met is correct in his assumptions about multiple friendships you have no knowledge of.
It’s not mysogyny to be wary of the intentions of other men. It’s mysogyny to assume all intergender friendships are exclusively sexual. For all you know, the boyfriend in the OP is just deeply insecure.
Edit - besides, it really doesn’t matter what other men “would try,” unless you have reason to believe the person in question is dangerous and will act without consent. If you think she will cheat on you, that’s an issue with your relationship, not her friendships with others.
Sure, but this small window of context also still indicates that “he”:
Doesn’t trust her to not cheat
Wants to control who she can be around
Which sounds pretty toxic imho. Given that, if she wants to respond to toxicity with trolling, it certainly is pretty funny. Which seems to be the main point of the post, and the added nuance doesn’t really undermine that.
For Nuance’s sake, it is important to note that not everybody makes every decision with perfect rationality and clarity, nor is everyone always completely and totally aware of the intentions of others that surround them.
Obviously, requesting that someone abandon their friends for the sake of a relationship is a piss take, but communication and building trust in the relationship can solve that.
The correct answer here is not that the relationship end because of the guys insecurity, but rather that both sides work on addressing his fundamental insecurity in the relationship and both sides keep all of their friends.
If the guy chooses not to work on his insecurity and double down on it, then you can justify ending the relationship because of this. But you should at least give it the college try first, right?
But you should at least give it the college try first, right?
Frankly, I don’t have enough information to know if this is the case. It’s certainly possible that this is a relationship well worth saving, and that the overall net benefit is worth the toxicity brought on by his insecurities. The fact that she can joke about it certainly might indicate that the relationship is a safe and comfortable space for both of them despite his controlling behavior.
It’s also hypothetically possible that she is exacerbating his insecurities by being overly flirtatious (or even flat out cheating on him) with her friends. In which case he might want to end it, as being in that situation will only reinforce his insecurities in his next relationship. (Hell, it’s possible he is cheating, and that guilty conscience is making him project his infidelities onto her.)
It’s also possible that she is not even in a relationship, and posted this simply as a joke she thought was funny.
So all things considered, the information provided only gives me enough to confidently say that trolling toxicity is pretty funny.
As far as the “correct answer here” and the value of giving it “the old college try”, that’s more between her, the hypothetical him, and maybe a therapist, and their friends, and innumerable other factors I’m not really qualified to speak on.
I don’t see it that way at all. He can trust her while not trusting the people she associates with.
I’ve had this issue with multiple girlfriends (who all ended up with one of the guys I warned them about). It’s easy to tell when a guy is only being friendly to try to fuck a girl. Pointing that out isn’t controlling in my eyes it’s trying to be protective.
I’ll grant you he shouldn’t have said “stop hanging out with them” but the main point is there if you don’t have the knee jerk reaction to the phrasing.
I’ve had this issue with multiple girlfriends (who all ended up with one of the guys I warned them about).
It sounds like you pushed them away to me: These other dudes will have been being nice and friendly to her meanwhile you’re being controlling and untrusting of the very guys who are considerably more fun to be with whilst you’re telling her which of them definitely fancy her, so she’s in if she wants to take a punt on one of them.
I mean, you’re kind of acting like an annoying wing man for her male friends. Why not swap you out?
I don’t trust other men to respect boundaries. If another man is only friends with my girlfriend because he wants to fuck her then he’s already the type of man I wouldn’t trust not to make unwanted moves.
She might not reciprocate but that’s not what I’m worried about in this scenario.
It’s fine, maybe even healthy, to be wary of other men. It’s also important to respect your partner’s autonomy, and to trust that with that autonomy, they will act in a manner that is healthy for the relationship (and for that trust to be reciprocated). It’s great that you are willing to protect your partner, but it’s important that you let your partner inform you when that protection is needed, instead of assuming based on your one-sided view of the person your partner is interacting with. Taking action based on that one-sided view, instead of having a discussion with your partner first, can make you come off as possessive.
I mean, I completely agree that if he went about this in a non-toxic/non-controlling way, and instead clearly just wanted to protect her from legitimate threats, it would be completely different… But the funny thing about that is…
Err let’s see…idk how many I can truly count as friends anymore as I have been rather isolated lately. But one is a co-worker that is just nice, so of course we are friends. One is someone who I’m friends with because of god knows why…she is kind of a bully, but oh well. Two are childhood friends. Screw it, I don’t really know.
His friends aren’t his friends because they want to fuck his girlfriend. They were his friends before he had a girlfriend.
Her guy friends are only friends with her because they want to fuck her.
Those are completely different things in this small window of context.
That’s not nuance, that’s literally the toxic masculinity the post is talking about.
Anyone can be friends. Assuming anything less is unnecessarily divisive.
The assumption the boyfriend is making - the same assumption you’re making - is just mysogyny.
In my experience it’s easy to tell when a guy is only being friendly with a girl because he wants to fuck her and when he’s genuinely bring her friend.
It’s not misogyny to think other men would try to fuck your girlfriend. Especially if she remains in contact with someone who is only her friend because he’s trying to fuck her.
Not all men, lol
Sounds to me like you live in circles with desperate incels. Time to upgrade your friends group.
Even if you can be correct in a given individual assessment within the context of your own life, you made a broad, unconditional statement where you intrinsically assumed the guy you’ve never met is correct in his assumptions about multiple friendships you have no knowledge of.
It’s not mysogyny to be wary of the intentions of other men. It’s mysogyny to assume all intergender friendships are exclusively sexual. For all you know, the boyfriend in the OP is just deeply insecure.
Edit - besides, it really doesn’t matter what other men “would try,” unless you have reason to believe the person in question is dangerous and will act without consent. If you think she will cheat on you, that’s an issue with your relationship, not her friendships with others.
Sure, but this small window of context also still indicates that “he”:
Which sounds pretty toxic imho. Given that, if she wants to respond to toxicity with trolling, it certainly is pretty funny. Which seems to be the main point of the post, and the added nuance doesn’t really undermine that.
For Nuance’s sake, it is important to note that not everybody makes every decision with perfect rationality and clarity, nor is everyone always completely and totally aware of the intentions of others that surround them.
Obviously, requesting that someone abandon their friends for the sake of a relationship is a piss take, but communication and building trust in the relationship can solve that.
The correct answer here is not that the relationship end because of the guys insecurity, but rather that both sides work on addressing his fundamental insecurity in the relationship and both sides keep all of their friends.
If the guy chooses not to work on his insecurity and double down on it, then you can justify ending the relationship because of this. But you should at least give it the college try first, right?
Frankly, I don’t have enough information to know if this is the case. It’s certainly possible that this is a relationship well worth saving, and that the overall net benefit is worth the toxicity brought on by his insecurities. The fact that she can joke about it certainly might indicate that the relationship is a safe and comfortable space for both of them despite his controlling behavior.
It’s also hypothetically possible that she is exacerbating his insecurities by being overly flirtatious (or even flat out cheating on him) with her friends. In which case he might want to end it, as being in that situation will only reinforce his insecurities in his next relationship. (Hell, it’s possible he is cheating, and that guilty conscience is making him project his infidelities onto her.)
It’s also possible that she is not even in a relationship, and posted this simply as a joke she thought was funny.
So all things considered, the information provided only gives me enough to confidently say that trolling toxicity is pretty funny.
As far as the “correct answer here” and the value of giving it “the old college try”, that’s more between her, the hypothetical him, and maybe a therapist, and their friends, and innumerable other factors I’m not really qualified to speak on.
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I don’t see it that way at all. He can trust her while not trusting the people she associates with.
I’ve had this issue with multiple girlfriends (who all ended up with one of the guys I warned them about). It’s easy to tell when a guy is only being friendly to try to fuck a girl. Pointing that out isn’t controlling in my eyes it’s trying to be protective.
I’ll grant you he shouldn’t have said “stop hanging out with them” but the main point is there if you don’t have the knee jerk reaction to the phrasing.
It sounds like you pushed them away to me: These other dudes will have been being nice and friendly to her meanwhile you’re being controlling and untrusting of the very guys who are considerably more fun to be with whilst you’re telling her which of them definitely fancy her, so she’s in if she wants to take a punt on one of them.
I mean, you’re kind of acting like an annoying wing man for her male friends. Why not swap you out?
If the existence of alternatives is a threat to your relationship, your relationship is on borrowed time anyway.
But, if you trust her, there shouldn’t be a problem, right?
Or is it that you (in this hypothetical situation) don’t truly trust her, otherwise you’d trust her around people you don’t trust.
And that’s okay, just don’t pretend it’s actually trust.
I don’t trust other men to respect boundaries. If another man is only friends with my girlfriend because he wants to fuck her then he’s already the type of man I wouldn’t trust not to make unwanted moves.
She might not reciprocate but that’s not what I’m worried about in this scenario.
It’s fine, maybe even healthy, to be wary of other men. It’s also important to respect your partner’s autonomy, and to trust that with that autonomy, they will act in a manner that is healthy for the relationship (and for that trust to be reciprocated). It’s great that you are willing to protect your partner, but it’s important that you let your partner inform you when that protection is needed, instead of assuming based on your one-sided view of the person your partner is interacting with. Taking action based on that one-sided view, instead of having a discussion with your partner first, can make you come off as possessive.
Are you suggesting they would rape her?
I’m sure they feel very protected.
I mean, I completely agree that if he went about this in a non-toxic/non-controlling way, and instead clearly just wanted to protect her from legitimate threats, it would be completely different… But the funny thing about that is…
Do you have any idea how many women friends I have for the sake of being friends? No I’m not fucking gay.
6? ish?
Err let’s see…idk how many I can truly count as friends anymore as I have been rather isolated lately. But one is a co-worker that is just nice, so of course we are friends. One is someone who I’m friends with because of god knows why…she is kind of a bully, but oh well. Two are childhood friends. Screw it, I don’t really know.
Too many to count then? Me too buddy, me too.