Things that I (23M, heterosexual) find really hot that I feel like most others don’t:

  • People who look friendly, cuddly, and ordinary (the average woman my age is way hotter than most celebrities)
  • The feeling of being kept safe and comforted by someone and doing the same for them in return
  • Sexual desirability based on trust, familiarity, and fondness of the overall person
  • Imperfection and compromise
  • Realistic (“small”) anatomy
  • Physical quirks or conventionally unattractive features that instantly become cute and hot because they symbolize mutual trust and vulnerability
  • Wholesome romantic lovemaking
  • Sexual sensitivity to pure affection; being covered in kisses and snuggles by a partner is hot
  • Chubbiness, for the soft cuddles
  • Being a guy who’s soft-spoken, blushy, emotionally expressive, very sensitive to his partner’s affection, and vocal in a high-pitched manner during sex
  • Male genitalia represents trust and vulnerability, not power
  • Both partners are stronger than each other in complementary ways that allow each to feel safe and protected when the other is leading
  • The giver during sex is gentle and caring, while the receiver is incredibly receptive and grateful; sex isn’t lusty or aggressive
  • Strength is used to create a safe space and melt someone’s defenses to facilitate unguarded closeness
  • Roughly equal degrees of emotional vulnerability and expressiveness between partners
  • Sensual connection over vigorousness and performance
  • Oral sex > intercourse

Things that I feel like most others seem to find really hot that I don’t:

  • Male (or sometimes female) dominance
  • Male genitalia represents power
  • Strong focus on specific individual body parts
  • Having sex with someone you just met and don’t plan to have a relationship with
  • Exaggerated anatomy that only a small percentage of people actually have
  • Strength is used to dominate or overpower
  • One partner (often male) is regarded as stronger and is less emotionally vulnerable or expressive than the other
  • Intercourse or penetration as the main focus
  • Sexual desirability based on physical appearance and sexual performance

I felt like I was going crazy living in a society where it seemed like the cultural conception of sex was this weird thing that it felt almost everyone resonated with except for me. So I’m interested to see if other people can relate to my alternative perspective.

(Note: I’m aware of demisexuality, but I don’t think it applies to me because I experience sexual attraction immediately as long as the other person appears kind and trustworthy)

  • Acamon@lemmy.world
    7·
    11 hours ago

    I think there’s a way that society represents “what sex is” that is very different from most people’s experience of it. For various reasons, Hollywood/advertising/porn all promote skinny and heavily made up women. And even if they find those kinds of actresses or models hot on the screen, that’s not the kinds of women most men actually crush on.

    The reality is most people have a fairly limited number of sexual relationships, and they’re often with people who do not meet some abstract societal idea of ‘hotness’. A lot of the time people are attracted to people because they like them, and they have good chemistry. Sometimes it’s more of a ‘type’ or whatever (knew a guy who was really into short girls, and then I met his tiny mother…)

    Same with relationships or sex or whatever. People learn a bunch of expectations and assumptions growing up, and then as theynget older they realise that most people don’t actually fit that arbitary standard. Sure, some guysnare horny all the time and just want emotionless sex, and so do some women. But it’s not as ‘normal’ as some media would suggest.