I was dating my coworker for about two months until one day she decided to pull a baby joke on me. I was 20, and she was 29. Everything was completely fine before this. She hopped off of me (we went all the way) and smiled at me with a somewhat evil look, saying, “In 3 months, you’ll get the notice.” I looked at her, scared, trying to ask if she was joking, and she said, “Yes,” but I still didn’t believe her.
We had a bad moment; she immediately ended the sex, and I dropped her off at home. This really freaked me out because on the first time we had sex, she took off my condom without permission and then said, when I didn’t want to go all the way, “You don’t trust me?” Additionally, the date we had planned for the week, she canceled without saying anything, and then didn’t text me the entire day. When I tried to call her, she hung up on me twice and didn’t call me back until the next afternoon.
She made my life a complete hell after all of this. She would hold me up if I asked her out on a date; she would be the one to initiate. I couldn’t ask directly; I could only mention it. By the way, she is Latina and did say to me that she was toxic. I got so scared after that incident that I even called an old coworker to ask if she had her citizenship because I was trying to avoid child support. Unfortunately, this coworker backstabbed me and called her.
She freaked out on me, saying it was just a joke and that I needed to “be a man.” A simple “sorry” from her would have gone a million miles, but she couldn’t even do that. I was so freaked out that I was planning on killing myself that week. We talked things through after a couple of days, and she wanted to take me out on a date again, but I just didn’t trust her anymore. My gut was telling me no, especially when I asked to use her phone to make a phone call, and she got all jumpy, saying she had to call insurance.
At that point, I decided to secretly end the relationship. I started playing dumb until she eventually left. But am I wrong for dumping her? Obviously, I am 99% sure she was cheating on me and using me. She was very nice though, only up till when we would go on dates, she would play super hard to get, her friends even let me know this, so I don’t know if this was some fucked up game she was playing or if she was really just cheating. We only had sex twice and she was my first ever date with a woman.
Also, she held me up for 2 months, didn’t text for over a month and barely talked to me at work, and then got upset on her last day on why I didn’t want to get back with her. She ended up completing her joke by leaving after 3 months. Another coworker (different), I told him the situation, still freaked out, and he said that he saw her and she’s not pregnant. I literally told him that he saved me from a year of pain
EDIT: I was drunk when the took rhe condom off
NTA - if someone describes themself as toxic and then goes on to exhibit extremely toxic behaviour, save yourself the pain and get rid.
PS, removing a condom during sex without permission is a form of rape.
I was with you until the condom rape. It isn’t right, but rape? Seriously? How many years in jail for condom raping?
His conditions for sex required a condom. When she removed it, she lost consent.
Would you feel differently about it if a man secretly removed his own condom and put his load in an unknowing woman?
It is wrong, I don’t dispute that; but believe calling that rape is mocking actual sexual abuse. The used condom is an object, you could burn it and it wouldn’t harm the guy in any way.
Yes, she could force pregnancy, but that’s also not rape, but a different crime. Calling any bad behavior related to sex “rape” is doing a disservice to people who were actually raped.
I did not claim that the condom was the victim in any way. I also have no problem with burning used condoms. Kinda weird, but I’m not here to kink shame.
And, having sex without a condom COULD harm the guy. He could pick up an STD in addition to being responsible for an unintended pregnancy.
When someone says yes to protected sex, that means that they have said NO to unprotected sex, until they explicitly say otherwise. Sex without consent is rape.
And I would argue that you are doing THESE people who WERE actually raped a larger disservice by saying they weren’t raped enough to deserve the right to say that they were raped.
Do we really need people gatekeeping rape?
Of course we don’t need people gate keeping rape, just as much as we don’t need people imposing rape.
Rape, as any other crime, needs an objective meaning, so you can determine if it’s or isn’t rape. That, my friend, is a definition, not gatekeeping. Argue with reasons, not your guts.
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/types-of-sexual-violence/what-is-stealthing/
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/condom-removed-during-sex-stealthing-b2562031.html
https://reeds.co.uk/insights/stealthing-and-conditional-consent/
By both a legal and moral definition, removing a condom, or sabotaging a condom without informed consent of your partner (whether it’s the male or female doing it) is committing an act of rape, regardless of any physical harm or consequences which may or may not result.
Thanks for the assist!
That’s exactly what Julian Assange did, and half the internet defends the shit out of him.
Half the internet can be wrong.
The question was, would you defend that?
Of course not
Maybe? I don’t know about that. Not sure how it’s relevant here.
I mean, you asked
and I pointed out an example of a man who did that and yet is regularly defended, so it appears a lot of people have no problem with that at all
Yeah, I get how it’s related, but what you said doesn’t answer the question, and at any given time on any given topic, half the Internet is just stupid and wrong, so, that doesn’t actually mean anything at all.