I’m in my late 20s. In the last years, I’ve moved a few times and tried out a bunch of things. And discovered I have a hard time getting close to people.
I used to think I just need to go out more. But I found out that most people I meet just don’t seem to “fit” with me.
Let’s say I meet some interesting people, who are funny, smart and have shared interests with me. We make a bit of small talk, hang out, and then I go home exhausted, feeling like I just came out of a work meeting that should have been an email. And given from how they rarely invite me back, I guess the feeling is mutual.
Someone told me I am quite cold towards people I don’t know well. Part of that might be that my usual way of talking is a bit emotionless. Another part could be a consequence of me basically going through the script in my head. “How is work these days? Cool. Yeah, me too. Yup.” I don’t want to be this way. But I also don’t want to go into full sales presentation mode, because that feels really wrong.
I used to think I would just become misanthropic. But there are people where I just click with. Talking to them is not a chore, but something I look forward to. And they seem to enjoy my company as well. Some events seem to have a lot more of “my people”, some less.
If you read my rambling until here, thanks. I genuinely don’t know any more. Am I becoming the old sod sitting on his porch yelling at kids? Or am I just spending time on the wrong people? Have you experienced something similar? And how could I change this?
I do a bunch of stuff, that’s not the problem. But, for example, last time I went hiking with a group of strangers, I just had a bad time. I didn’t talk much, I didn’t enjoy the talk, I wished I was either alone or with the (rare) friend. And I cannot really blame the people around, they were as welcoming to me as they were to anyone else.
What pisses me off most is that I wasn’t always that way. I met one of my closest friends at a hike, we just hit off. Maybe it’s a numbers game.
Oh. Yes, then it is absolutely the numbers game at work. Out of 5-10 gatherings you attend, you might strike it off with 1 person… to be just an acquaintance at first. We have to put on really thick skin, and if any certain group just isn’t working out, move on to find another; don’t try to keep hoping things will improve (I mean, they might, but it’s typically faster in my experience to just try different groups altogether).
I think you’re on the right path and just gotta keep going. Sorry that last event was discouraging, but don’t give up!