I’m in my late 20s. In the last years, I’ve moved a few times and tried out a bunch of things. And discovered I have a hard time getting close to people.
I used to think I just need to go out more. But I found out that most people I meet just don’t seem to “fit” with me.
Let’s say I meet some interesting people, who are funny, smart and have shared interests with me. We make a bit of small talk, hang out, and then I go home exhausted, feeling like I just came out of a work meeting that should have been an email. And given from how they rarely invite me back, I guess the feeling is mutual.
Someone told me I am quite cold towards people I don’t know well. Part of that might be that my usual way of talking is a bit emotionless. Another part could be a consequence of me basically going through the script in my head. “How is work these days? Cool. Yeah, me too. Yup.” I don’t want to be this way. But I also don’t want to go into full sales presentation mode, because that feels really wrong.
I used to think I would just become misanthropic. But there are people where I just click with. Talking to them is not a chore, but something I look forward to. And they seem to enjoy my company as well. Some events seem to have a lot more of “my people”, some less.
If you read my rambling until here, thanks. I genuinely don’t know any more. Am I becoming the old sod sitting on his porch yelling at kids? Or am I just spending time on the wrong people? Have you experienced something similar? And how could I change this?
It is hard making friends, and there is no straight answer since all of our lives are very different. That’s honestly the main reason why its hard to make friends.
I would join a sports league, book clubs, etc. Something where everyone who goes, has the intention to return.
Also, in your post example it sounds like you went out once with these people. As soon as your done hanging out with people, I would shoot a message saying that you should do it again. Be the reason people come together, because no one wants that job because its tough.
I’m doing a bunch of stuff, I don’t think that is the issue. For that specific example, the group is still meeting (as far as I know), they just don’t bother inviting me unless I explicitly ask a few times. At some point, even I get the hint.
I feel like my issue is that I am incredibly “picky” when it comes to people I enjoy being around. That sucks. I don’t want to be like that. But maybe I need to accept it.