Rumble, Odyssey, Bitchute, and everything besides Peertube are all full Nazi cesspits. They are filled with the most heinous crap possible.

Still coherent enough for 30% of the country

You can buy it anonymously, mostly through P2P exchanges and markets. But simply buying bitcoin or some other popular coin with fiat, then exchanging that to Monero and using that to buy your privacy things will work as well.

Monero is very private and anonymous.

Do not not use Linux

Proton possibly?