on one of my lasts posts, most of the people that answered agreed with the idea I’m on the spectrum. I don’t know. I don’t see anything wrong being myself.
I’d just like some serious answers from neurotypicals explaining to me why my question triggered my coworker so much:
Manager called me to ask if I can take an extra shift at a different unit because they’re short staffed due to illness. I agreed.
Because that unit sometimes overfills and nurses there have to take care of more patients than the ratio agreed with the union I called the unit to ask how many patients they do have today, to have an idea if my shift tomorrow is going to be an easy or a difficult one.
The coworker started yelling and calling me an idiot and using some other choice words, so I said “ok” and hung up.
I didn’t yell at her, I simply asked the question in a neutral tone, and I still don’t get the animosity.
20 minutes later the same person calls to inform she called our manager and tomorrow I don’t have to work at that unit.
All this stupid drama because I asked how many patients they have? I simply don’t get it.
Am I really this autistic?
Something that seems to be overlooked in this thread is this little bit here:
that unit sometimes overfills and nurses there have to take care of more patients than the ratio agreed with the union
If they answered honestly, they could have admitted to violation of the union agreement. Even them rescheduling you after asking that could be interpreted as retribution. You’re reading this as a neurodivergent/neurotypical issue, but it looks to me like a union problem.
Either that or the person on the other side overreacted. I can’t see how to can be interpreted as on the spectrum (given that nothing was left out).
Sounds like they might be very overworked and on a hair trigger as a result…
Do you remember how exactly you phrased the question? Maybe it’s not just what you said, but how you said it.
me: Hi, I’m A and tomorrow I’ll be working with you. Can you tell me how many patients do you have today at the unit?
her: what for? (she sounded exasperated).
me: I want to know how much I have to work.
her: are you stupid? (aggressively)
me: I beg your pardon?
her: are you stupid? [insert rant here she started I didn’t listen to because when people yell at me I disconnect and if she already made up her mind not to answer me, why bother? Plus, how many of you can have a conversation with somebody yelling at you?]
me: fine [I hung up]
me: I want to know how much I have to work.
While the response you got was probably an overreaction, if you stated it exactly this way, that was the trigger.
“I want to know how much I have to work” will suggest that you don’t want to work. A better way to phrase it would have been with your first question:
“Hi, I’m A and tomorrow I’ll be working with you. I don’t usually work there, and I wanted to make sure I was prepared for the workload. About how many patients do you have?”
That tells them that you do want to work. Slotting the word “about” in there lets them know that you don’t expect an exact number (that they would have to shift their own brain gears to go look up), and gives them the option of saying something like “pretty quiet right now” or “it’s crazy, I gotta go, see you tomorrow.”
What would you do with the information?
Like, if the ratio is 1:3 or 1:30, how would that change your life?
It comes across as “hi, I want to know if shit is stressful so I can call out if it’s bad”.
It allows you to plan out what happens during/around it. For example, should my leisure time the day before be something more fun but cognitively demanding or more chill and relaxing?
It also allows you to get in the right state of mind for the work. In my experience (is this also an autistic thing? I don’t know), if you’re mentally prepared for something very difficult and unpleasant, it greatly cuts down on how unpleasant it is, sometimes even turning that difficult thing into a fun challenge. If you mentally prepare for something that’s worse than what’s actually ahead, you end up with way too much excess energy and the need to look for problems to solve even when no problems exist.
