At the end, when he was out of money, and going to die anyway, and about to leave his wife and six kids broke, I’ll bet he wished he had ended it earlier.
You caught a downvote for that comment because some people don’t like confronting reality, but that’s literally what my late father-in-law told me on his deathbed. He had been battling cancer for about a year by that point, and was partially paralyzed around the six month mark after his vertebrae collapsed from it spreading to his bones. My wife was his constant in-home caregiver after that, while I took on a ton of overtime and freelance work to financially support both of us.
One day, I was over at his house taking care of him, because my wife needed a girl’s night for herself to just get away from things for a few moments. While I was feeding him, he broke down in tears and said he wished he had been hit by a bus instead, because at least then he would have had his dignity intact and would have been able to leave my wife some sort of inheritance. He died two days later.
I’ll never tell my wife about that conversation. She was already dealing with enough mental, emotional, and physical stress from the caregiving (and her own health issues, which the stress compounded), and I didn’t want to add to it. And now at this point, it’s better to just let sleeping dogs lie.
At least he was able to get his guilt off his chest, kind of like confessing to a priest. He probably chose to do that with you, instead of your wife, for the same reasons as yours.
Of course, but that’s you. HE would probably rather you remember him when he was healthier, not slowly dying ugly, and use the money to make his grandchildren’s lives better.
Either way, you will grieve his loss, but one way leaves his offspring better off. Most Dads know which choice they’d make, even if their loving children would disagree. Good dads have to make the tough choices for their family.
At the end, when he was out of money, and going to die anyway, and about to leave his wife and six kids broke, I’ll bet he wished he had ended it earlier.
You caught a downvote for that comment because some people don’t like confronting reality, but that’s literally what my late father-in-law told me on his deathbed. He had been battling cancer for about a year by that point, and was partially paralyzed around the six month mark after his vertebrae collapsed from it spreading to his bones. My wife was his constant in-home caregiver after that, while I took on a ton of overtime and freelance work to financially support both of us.
One day, I was over at his house taking care of him, because my wife needed a girl’s night for herself to just get away from things for a few moments. While I was feeding him, he broke down in tears and said he wished he had been hit by a bus instead, because at least then he would have had his dignity intact and would have been able to leave my wife some sort of inheritance. He died two days later.
I’ll never tell my wife about that conversation. She was already dealing with enough mental, emotional, and physical stress from the caregiving (and her own health issues, which the stress compounded), and I didn’t want to add to it. And now at this point, it’s better to just let sleeping dogs lie.
Fuck cancer.
At least he was able to get his guilt off his chest, kind of like confessing to a priest. He probably chose to do that with you, instead of your wife, for the same reasons as yours.
If someone asked me “How much money would you pay to spend an extra year with your dad?” I don’t know if there’s an upper limit.
Of course, but that’s you. HE would probably rather you remember him when he was healthier, not slowly dying ugly, and use the money to make his grandchildren’s lives better.
Either way, you will grieve his loss, but one way leaves his offspring better off. Most Dads know which choice they’d make, even if their loving children would disagree. Good dads have to make the tough choices for their family.