I’ve been ghosted when I expressed interest in a woman who was possibly scared of me
I’ve been incredibly upset about it
I still understand the comic and feel okay with the reaction
The thing is, I don’t blame women for valid self protective instincts. Ghosting is antisocial bullshit, but it’s the easiest solution available to a potential for real, serious harm, especially when you are only one of some dozen guys one woman might be dealing with on the subject.
I know the women who’ve ghosted me are making generalizations. I know they’re wrong, but I can’t blame them based on what they knew. It always feels personal, even when you’re seeing learned behavior by trends.
I agree problems would be solved if women did the approaching more often, but I get why that’s hard (for everyone), and I can see how they get used to the routine of being approached and deciding based on that.
The thing is, I don’t blame women for valid self protective instincts.
I don’t think labeling men hypocrites counts as a “self protective” act.
I feel like you and many others feel like my issue is simply that panel 3 is there at all, and that I’m indignant about the notion of men reacting poorly to rejection. But that’s not my issue at all. I explain below.
Ghosting is antisocial bullshit, but it’s the easiest solution available to a potential for real, serious harm, especially when you are only one of some dozen guys one woman might be dealing with on the subject.
You’re misinterpreting the core of my distaste with the comic.
All the comic had to do to not be shitty in the way I’m criticizing it for, is have the men in panels 1 and 3 not be the same person. That’s all. Then I could at least understand a message like what you describe: ‘this is a shitty thing to do in a vacuum, but I feel like I have to do it, to not risk an unpleasant reaction’. But by nonsensically making it the same guy, when it’s basically never the same guy doing both things (do you really think men who have those kinds of outbursts when they’re rejected, are the ones wishing women would reject them overtly? Think about it), the author is shitting on decent guys who have a reasonable desire to not be ghosted, which is not mutually exclusive with understanding why women do it.
I don’t think labeling men hypocrites counts as a “self protective” act.
It didn’t do that. There is but one man in this comic. This comic isn’t making a statement about something that all men do, it’s making a statement about something that all women experience
I mean, you can criticize the reaction, but be aware that much of the world is going to have it, as a natural human thing.
You’ve been lonely in your life, you feel like you’re getting along well with someone of the opposite sex (potentially misreading friendliness as romantic interest) and make an offer, working past many layers of butterflies in your stomach. The worst she can say is No, right?
No, turns out, the worst she can say is “Maybe. I’m kind of busy with finals and some other stuff going on, but we’ll see.”, which your mind takes as a Yes, getting you all excited - you then text them later, at a polite rate, to try to follow up and make something work. Only weeks later, after conflicting possibilities and doubts clash in your mind from a bunch of unreplied or vague messages, do you concede to the fact that not only were you not good enough, you were so scary and horrible to the person in question you weren’t even good enough to give a direct answer to. You’re a destructive, potentially murderous monster they needed to protect themselves from. All because you were just interested in spending time with someone attractive, as all of us are wired to try.
Not all of that is an honest, objective take, but that’s still how it comes across in the mind of the receiver. Similarly, there’s no legal requirement that each person say “Good morning!” to each other each day, but being denied basic pleasantries and human interaction, even as much as receiving an honest and flat rejection, can wear on someone, even if I fully understand (as I said) why it happens.
Any individual does not owe any one individual their attention. But each individual is owed some attention by someone.
Sorry, pal, but:
The thing is, I don’t blame women for valid self protective instincts. Ghosting is antisocial bullshit, but it’s the easiest solution available to a potential for real, serious harm, especially when you are only one of some dozen guys one woman might be dealing with on the subject.
I know the women who’ve ghosted me are making generalizations. I know they’re wrong, but I can’t blame them based on what they knew. It always feels personal, even when you’re seeing learned behavior by trends.
I agree problems would be solved if women did the approaching more often, but I get why that’s hard (for everyone), and I can see how they get used to the routine of being approached and deciding based on that.
I don’t think labeling men hypocrites counts as a “self protective” act.
I feel like you and many others feel like my issue is simply that panel 3 is there at all, and that I’m indignant about the notion of men reacting poorly to rejection. But that’s not my issue at all. I explain below.
You’re misinterpreting the core of my distaste with the comic.
All the comic had to do to not be shitty in the way I’m criticizing it for, is have the men in panels 1 and 3 not be the same person. That’s all. Then I could at least understand a message like what you describe: ‘this is a shitty thing to do in a vacuum, but I feel like I have to do it, to not risk an unpleasant reaction’. But by nonsensically making it the same guy, when it’s basically never the same guy doing both things (do you really think men who have those kinds of outbursts when they’re rejected, are the ones wishing women would reject them overtly? Think about it), the author is shitting on decent guys who have a reasonable desire to not be ghosted, which is not mutually exclusive with understanding why women do it.
Does that make sense?
It didn’t do that. There is but one man in this comic. This comic isn’t making a statement about something that all men do, it’s making a statement about something that all women experience
Who tf cares if you get ghosted?
No one owes anyone anything. Including closure. Just move on.
You do in fact owe people for the time of theirs that you take. At the very least, send a “hey I’m not going to make it tonight, sorry”
I mean, you can criticize the reaction, but be aware that much of the world is going to have it, as a natural human thing.
You’ve been lonely in your life, you feel like you’re getting along well with someone of the opposite sex (potentially misreading friendliness as romantic interest) and make an offer, working past many layers of butterflies in your stomach. The worst she can say is No, right?
No, turns out, the worst she can say is “Maybe. I’m kind of busy with finals and some other stuff going on, but we’ll see.”, which your mind takes as a Yes, getting you all excited - you then text them later, at a polite rate, to try to follow up and make something work. Only weeks later, after conflicting possibilities and doubts clash in your mind from a bunch of unreplied or vague messages, do you concede to the fact that not only were you not good enough, you were so scary and horrible to the person in question you weren’t even good enough to give a direct answer to. You’re a destructive, potentially murderous monster they needed to protect themselves from. All because you were just interested in spending time with someone attractive, as all of us are wired to try.
Not all of that is an honest, objective take, but that’s still how it comes across in the mind of the receiver. Similarly, there’s no legal requirement that each person say “Good morning!” to each other each day, but being denied basic pleasantries and human interaction, even as much as receiving an honest and flat rejection, can wear on someone, even if I fully understand (as I said) why it happens.
Any individual does not owe any one individual their attention. But each individual is owed some attention by someone.
You’d have to have an incredibly meager sense of self, and frankly not be great at communicating, if you think a maybe is a yes.
If you need a yes then you can say “I’m sorry, but I’d like more certainty” and bounce or “yeah, cool” and see where it goes.
All of the stuff you wrote says to me “I need therapy very badly and I can’t communicate”.
No one owes anyone else anything.