I will go ahead and reap the anger and hate of the sheltered Lemmy masses here, but there’s no such thing as “being” an introvert or “being” an extrovert. They’re not engrained personality types or conditions, they’re descriptions of where people are on a spectrum of social energy, and that spectrum is not a science, it’s not an actual “thing” that’s fixed or solid. These are just descriptors of feelings and circumstances.
Some people who identify as “extroverts” will get massively drained and bored in a social situation that they’re not having fun with or engaged with, and some “introverts” will find they can’t get enough of being with the people who stimulate them and make them feel engaged. Everyone has an energy level for different kinds of socialization, there are no real rules here. Throw away those “23 signs you’re an introvert!” website personality tests because they are harming your self-image and potential opportunities.
Why am I setting myself up for lots of “BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING” replies?
Because I have known too many people who are miserable and alone and keep telling others (and themselves) that they are an “introvert” and thus precluded from going out and exercising their social muscles and meeting new people. Really what most people mean when they say they’re an introvert is that they’re socially awkward or inexperienced or that their current social group doesn’t stimulate them.
Meanwhile, I went from non-verbal as a young person to a leader in business and community organizer with far more opportunities than peers who are still hiding in discord. This wasn’t achieved because I was secretly a super-chad who didn’t know I secretly had a huge extrovert generator hidden under my hood, it was by deliberate effort and repeated, embarrassing failures and exercising muscles I didn’t know I had. Volunteering to plan events, then volunteering to HOST events, then taking on roles that put in contact with more and more people, and learning social cues and emotional intelligence. Getting out of my own head took work.
You CAN do this kind of work, even if you’re completely repulsed by other people but lonely, even if you’re on the autistic spectrum, even if you’re completely down at the bottom of a cynicism and isolation hole. This is a problem that is growing among younger men and women alike who tend to retreat to online spaces and adopt avoidant personalities and end up deeply lonely and depressed.
We’re social creatures, we survived hardships for millions of years in our past by creating community and connection. We’re so deeply wired to connect with others that we suffer and can even die without talk, touch and emotional connection. Don’t isolate yourselves, exercise ALL your muscles regularly.
(Go ahead and start spamming me all your replies about obnoxious extroverts and how you can’t do this and that because of your unique, fringe circumstances, get it out of your system, I can take it. Just know ahead of time most of my responses to you are going to be the same: “Are you HAPPY?”)
even if you’re completely repulsed by other people but lonely, even if you’re on the autistic spectrum, even if you’re completely down at the bottom of a cynicism and isolation hole.
This is not the same as being an introvert. (Which is a thing)
Some people facing some of these issues could perhaps use the term introvert to describe or justify themselves or their behaviours, but it doesn’t mean they are correct.
TL;DR of the above for anyone else: Socializing is a muscle which can and should be exercised.
Which I actually wholeheartedly agree with. I had a similar experience to you, though not as extreme. I had maybe one friend, didn’t talk to people, considered myself an introvert, basically the typical person you’re talking about. Then I met someone who taught me how to exercise that muscle, and encouraged me to meet other people. Took some time, but I went from having one friend, to having over a dozen. And I’m capable of actually talking to people I don’t know now, instead of clamming up and getting anxious, most of the time. Barring certain physical or mental disabilities, I always try to encourage my introvert friends to talk to others more, as much as it’s a horribly embarrassing, awkward, and especially draining experience at first.
This all being said, you sound like a douche. Especially with that last paragraph. Chill, my dude. Don’t immediately assume you’re gonna be under attack. There’s hardly enough people on this site to spam you with replies anyways.
I will go ahead and reap the anger and hate of the sheltered Lemmy masses here, but there’s no such thing as “being” an introvert or “being” an extrovert. They’re not engrained personality types or conditions, they’re descriptions of where people are on a spectrum of social energy, and that spectrum is not a science, it’s not an actual “thing” that’s fixed or solid. These are just descriptors of feelings and circumstances.
Some people who identify as “extroverts” will get massively drained and bored in a social situation that they’re not having fun with or engaged with, and some “introverts” will find they can’t get enough of being with the people who stimulate them and make them feel engaged. Everyone has an energy level for different kinds of socialization, there are no real rules here. Throw away those “23 signs you’re an introvert!” website personality tests because they are harming your self-image and potential opportunities.
Why am I setting myself up for lots of “BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING” replies?
Because I have known too many people who are miserable and alone and keep telling others (and themselves) that they are an “introvert” and thus precluded from going out and exercising their social muscles and meeting new people. Really what most people mean when they say they’re an introvert is that they’re socially awkward or inexperienced or that their current social group doesn’t stimulate them.
Meanwhile, I went from non-verbal as a young person to a leader in business and community organizer with far more opportunities than peers who are still hiding in discord. This wasn’t achieved because I was secretly a super-chad who didn’t know I secretly had a huge extrovert generator hidden under my hood, it was by deliberate effort and repeated, embarrassing failures and exercising muscles I didn’t know I had. Volunteering to plan events, then volunteering to HOST events, then taking on roles that put in contact with more and more people, and learning social cues and emotional intelligence. Getting out of my own head took work.
You CAN do this kind of work, even if you’re completely repulsed by other people but lonely, even if you’re on the autistic spectrum, even if you’re completely down at the bottom of a cynicism and isolation hole. This is a problem that is growing among younger men and women alike who tend to retreat to online spaces and adopt avoidant personalities and end up deeply lonely and depressed.
We’re social creatures, we survived hardships for millions of years in our past by creating community and connection. We’re so deeply wired to connect with others that we suffer and can even die without talk, touch and emotional connection. Don’t isolate yourselves, exercise ALL your muscles regularly.
(Go ahead and start spamming me all your replies about obnoxious extroverts and how you can’t do this and that because of your unique, fringe circumstances, get it out of your system, I can take it. Just know ahead of time most of my responses to you are going to be the same: “Are you HAPPY?”)
This is not the same as being an introvert. (Which is a thing)
Some people facing some of these issues could perhaps use the term introvert to describe or justify themselves or their behaviours, but it doesn’t mean they are correct.
TL;DR of the above for anyone else: Socializing is a muscle which can and should be exercised.
Which I actually wholeheartedly agree with. I had a similar experience to you, though not as extreme. I had maybe one friend, didn’t talk to people, considered myself an introvert, basically the typical person you’re talking about. Then I met someone who taught me how to exercise that muscle, and encouraged me to meet other people. Took some time, but I went from having one friend, to having over a dozen. And I’m capable of actually talking to people I don’t know now, instead of clamming up and getting anxious, most of the time. Barring certain physical or mental disabilities, I always try to encourage my introvert friends to talk to others more, as much as it’s a horribly embarrassing, awkward, and especially draining experience at first.
This all being said, you sound like a douche. Especially with that last paragraph. Chill, my dude. Don’t immediately assume you’re gonna be under attack. There’s hardly enough people on this site to spam you with replies anyways.