Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me

Why? Are you unable to speak? Are you unwilling to try? Because it sounds like you’re hopeless about the idea of meeting someone and you don’t feel like your own efforts could possibly help.

I don’t see why the man must start this dance.

The truth is that nobody, regardless of gender, wants to put themselves in a position where they could be rejected. And women usually don’t need to. While you’re leaning against the wall waiting for that woman to start talking with you another guy will approach her and ask her out. We all want to feel like someone is interested in us. It’s flattering. It makes us feel good. And your question makes it clear you’re unwilling to put the effort into showing you are interested. You want someone else to show they are interested in you. That way you don’t have to risk anything. But low risk means low reward.

This may sound harsh, but I do understand where you’re coming from. I went through this myself. One thing that helped me was learning to let go of any expectations when approaching and talking with someone. Try to understand you aren’t there to pick her up, seduce her, or whatever. You are just there to talk. Everyone is interesting in some way. Practice asking people about themselves. You’ll be awkward at first. You’ll mess up and be embarrassed. But keep trying. If you can let go of your own desires and just be curious it will take you far. And talk with everyone you meet. Men, women, old, young, don’t discriminate. It’ll help you realize it’s just a conversation.

Also, put one of those sticky name tags on your shirt. “Hi my name is Tudsamfa”. It makes people more comfortable knowing your name.

It’s pretty clear what the consensus is here. Yes, talk with women. You can even (politely) hit on women you fancy. Based on your statement about yourself it’s unlikely you would be pushy and threatening if she said no, but still, just understand when to stop.

Next question is how to get there from where you are. You’re scared you would be seen as a threat, harassing women just by talking to them out of the blue. So you doubtless have little experience talking with women. That’s where you are.

I see two possible paths to take. Which one is right depends on why you feel that way. If it’s an emotional issue, like if you (for instance) start shaking and sweating at the thought of walking up to a woman and introducing yourself, then maybe start by talking with a therapist. They can be really helpful. On the other hand if you are just nervous because you don’t know how to talk with a woman then look into learning how to make small talk. It’s actually a skill. It’s something you can learn. And once you have learned it and practiced it enough that you are comfortable with it, then approaching and talking with a woman is just about starting and having a conversation. You can even practice with guys if it makes you more comfortable. A quick google search produces a bunch of good ideas on how to start.

Now you have homework. Learn how to carry a conversation. Learn to make people feel comfortable around you. Learn to actually be interested in other people. It shows and it makes a difference.

EDIT: In a reply to another comment you mentioned severe violence in your childhood and the resultant fear as a major deterrent in approaching people. That’s definitely something to see a therapist about. You can work through stuff like that in time. And you’ll be amazed how much more free you feel once you have.

Buddhism has no prescription for physical pain. There’s no ‘ending bodily pain’ type of meditation that I’m aware of. There are some more advanced types of meditation where you stop feeling bodily sensations, but that only lasts while you are doing the meditation. Apparently the Buddha himself suffered back pain after his own awakening. There are prominent present day Buddhist monastics dealing with pain every day. But the Buddha taught that the physical pain is only part of the story. What we do with the pain in our own minds can make it a source of anguish or not. A complete answer would deserve more than a comment on lemmy. But it would probably point toward how claiming the pain as me or mine just makes it worse. And how learning to observe it as a thing that’s happening but it isn’t me leads toward a more peaceful relationship with it. Getting there would take time and effort, but it is a thing that you can learn about.

That seems tautological?

It would be if there weren’t competing explanations. But in the Buddha’s time there were many different teachings on the causes of suffering to choose from. Some taught that your fate was written in the stars and you had no control. Some taught that karma was a substance that stuck to your soul and you had to burn it off with austerities. Some taught life had no meaning and everything about you was annihilated at death, so be a hedonist. Etc., etc. The main message the Buddha taught was your actions matter. You are in control of your fate. The suffering you experience is the result of your own choices, intentions and actions, and because of that you can make different choices and end your suffering. The four noble truths are just a condensed version of that idea.

It’s important to realize karma and rebirth was also an important part of that teaching. So, yeah, sometimes the suffering in one lifetime can be caused by actions in a previous one. But, again, what’s really important is how you respond to it. Will you turn it into a drive to find a better understanding of self and impermanence, or will you let it make you bitter and angry?

Looking at the Community rules, I don’t see ‘no Buddhism’ so let’s go

1. life is suffering
2. Suffering comes from attachment, craving, and ignorance, particularly craving for things that are impermanent
3. Suffering can be overcome by eliminating the causes of suffering, specifically by extinguishing craving and attachment
4. There’s a whole step by step program for doing that which they say leads to the end of suffering

I’ve been working this program for a while and it seems pretty effective. I started with the question “what do you do when you want something you know you just can’t have?” The only real answer I could come up with was to let go of wanting it. That led down the rabbit hole and now I’m typing out the four noble truths on a lemmy memes community.

To be honest, though, it’s probably the most difficult task I’ve ever set out to achieve. So, yeah, there’s no easy fix.