Context: We’re in a bit of a heat wave and my daughter loves to cool down by splashing in water. Today was no different.
Once she was done, I say to her “Let’s get you out of that wet dress. I imagine it must be uncomfortable. I’ve never actually worn a wet dress before”.
Before I can follow that up with “I’ve worn wet clothes before, and that’s not the nicest”, my wife jumps in and claims that me saying I’ve never worn a wet dress is sexist.
Is it?
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I don’t get her logic at all. No amount of mental gymnastics allows me to find anything sexist in that.
what?
I’m going to be blunt, this reads like reddit rage bait. As such, I’ll respond that way, then give a more neutral answer in case it’s real.
The response to it as bait is that anyone saying that seriously is an idiot.
More neutral, anyone saying that has an obligation to explain themselves because it makes no sense by itself. And it doesn’t.
The response to it as bait is that anyone saying that seriously is an idiot.
If you are referring to this:
Once she was done, I say to her “Let’s get you out of that wet dress. I imagine it must be uncomfortable. I’ve never actually worn a wet dress before”.
That is just someone who blurts out a thought they had after saying something else, pretty common with ADHD. Like at first they were thinking about wet shorts, which can get pretty uncomfortable fast if they aren’t made to get wet, then realized dresses might not have the same feeling since they aren’t connected in the middle. I could absolutely see myself saying something along these lines depending on the material of the clothing and the appearance of how it sticks to the body.
If you mean the wife’s reaction then asking her would be necessary because I have no idea where she is coming from that would make something like that sound sexist.
I feel like you can see inside my ADHD
Not obviously, but it sounds like she is making a connection you don’t know what is.
You should ask her to explain what she means, so you’ll either understand that oh it was sexist didn’t think about it like that, or disagree on some knowable point.
Yeah, this exactly. She has context in mind that she didn’t communicate with you. She may not realize you don’t know her context.
Best thing is to say something like, “I’m sorry for saying the thing you said was sexist. I’ll try to avoid making sexist remarks. But I’m not sure what was sexist about it, and I want to learn why so that I don’t do it again.”
Whether or not you think you owe her an apology, starting like that may help prevent her from getting defensive. That way, you can have a clearer conversation about it.
Whether or not it was actually sexist, she clearly had a reason for believing it was. And, agree or not, the reason is real to her.
In general, I don’t think it’s right to lie down flat whenever someone accuses you of saying something wrong, just because they think it was wrong.
It should be pretty fair to respond with a simple “why is that sexist? I think wet clothes are uncomfortable, so I assumed others did as well.”
It’s not about lying down, it’s about de-escalating.
That can be a touchy subject, so a little bit of humility helps prevent hurt feelings.
To add to that, I know that if I just came out and said exactly “why is that sexist?” it probably would sound like I’m copping an attitude. So I think/agree that it’d be safer to approach it more delicately.
…I think your wife wants to dress you up in dresses?
What? No that’s not sexist
Classic. It’s only sexist if you are sexist. If you assume dresses are ‘womens’ clothes,’ and that women are inferior, it’s possibly sexist because you are elevating yourself by declaring yourself to not be one of those lowly dress-wearers. If you don’t have that internalized misogyny, it’s just a statement of boring fact.
Is this r/AITA and r/AmIOverreacting in a trenchcoat?
Pretty sure that’s 3 raccoon in a trench coat
… in a wet dress
Ask her to explain what’s sexist about saying that.
Is it sexist to say “I’ve never worn wet Billy Bob brand underwear”?
Sounds to me like she has some hangups.
Also, did you mean it to be sexist? No? Then it wasn’t. She’s decided to hear it that way and lay some nonsense on you.
Honestly, had that been me, I would’ve busted out laughing at the inanity.
You’re probably focusing on the wrong thing. My guess is that while you think she was reacting to what you said, she was probably reacting to something else. For example, if you have boys who wore wet clothes without comment, or if you yourself have worn wet clothes without complaint, she might think it sexist to presume a female is required to be more modest than a male. She might have thought you were acting as if your immature child was vamping like she was in a wet t-shirt contest rather than a squirmy toddler (no idea what age your girl is, tho) and that your reaction was too embarrassed. It could have been a number of things, but you’d have to ask her to find out.
I could see some sort of connection between, like, there’s a pickup line where a guy would dip his fingers in a glass of water and flick a few drops of water on a girls clothes, and then tell the woman, “hey, let’s get you out of those wet clothes”, but I don’t see anything inherently sexist in what you said.
Maybe she is making that connection in her mind and just having a difficult time expressing it to you cogently.
That ‘pickup line’ sounds like a great way to make enemies.
Most pickup lines are unless you’re hot.
She might be conflating it with a wet t-shirt contest
