So I moved back to my city after 7 years where my family lives.
It’s been 2 years but I never really enjoyed people here. Mostly people I met were from my previous circles, family, school friends and their partners.
I always thought something was off and maybe over time I will figure things out but it was just not happening.
Yesterday I went to dinner with my partners friends and damn it was whole different vibe. As if it’s a different culture. I really enjoyed talking and was genuinely interested in next meeting.
Resparked my joy in meeting people and I guess I was with wrong people and there are people who are out there who vibe match with me but it’s so hard to find them.
I think the larger problem is that a huge portion of our planets current inhabitants don’t know how to have a conversation. I’ve tried so hard to have actual conversations to go deeper than “the weather/work/kids/etc.” It seems almost impossible to find someone who can not only think for themselves, but also think of something to CONTRIBUTE to the conversation.
It always goes like this (where I am from):
Me - (sees a few tattoos on their person) “I see you have some tattoos! Do they hold any special meaning to you, or did you just think they’d look good/cool? :)”
Them - “I just thought they were cool.”
Literally it. In the same position, even from someone who doesn’t like talking either, I would ask if the person asking about my tattoos has any. It’s really as simple as that for most people, or could be, I should say.
I stopped putting so much time into trying to open doors for actual conversation a few years ago when I realized people just don’t know how to talk to actual humans any more. It’s fucking weird.
*I understand some people have issues with social activities, and no harm done. This is a very common thing though, and I just don’t believe 90% of people who I have interacted with are those types of people, if you know what I mean?
this made me laugh. That’s precisely what I deal with all the time. Everyone is weirdly superficial and the second you try to go any deeper they freak the fuck out. Apparently everyone is operating on a level of immediacy and impulsiveness that I can’t comprehend. I ask people all the time, why they like something and they look at me like I’m a freak and reply with ‘i just like it’. Then I tell them why I like something they look at me like I’m mentally ill for actually giving reasons or explaining the context that informs my interest.
I used to go on dates in the 2000s and 2010s and have cool conversations and feel like I was getting to know the person on a deeper level… that basically disappeared about 8 years ago. Every date I had from 2018 onwards was just endless shallow bullshit or the other person complaining about politics or money. Zero substance, zero curiousity, zero depth. It makes socializing/dating feel totally pointless.
It just feels like people have collectively mentally regressed to toddler-like thinking and communicating any hint of adult conversation is terrifying and bizarre to them.
YES. Exactly!
“Oh, what a WEIRDO for wanting to know about my insert obviously favorite thing / something they enjoy here!!!”
I’ve complimented peoples nails, their tattoos, their outfit/shoes, their accessory or any number of things you can think of that a normal person would consider a nice thing to be asked about, and even then some people just say thanks and then we sit there in silence when the door was wide open to say something, elaborate why the enjoy so and so, or ask something themselves.
That’s just the iceberg of course, I could rant and rave about the myriad of ways people are just so rude and/or self centered these days! It’s maddening, truly.
In a somewhat funny outcome, while I was reading into ways to become a better conversationalist (because I wanted to be better at it, since I never seemed to make friends very well LOL) everyone else was studying the book of “Isolationism, and You, the Main Character”.